Life Without Regrets

Moving!

2009-08-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

Hi all you loyal people who still read this blog, even though there are like a gazillion cobwebs here!

Moving to a new blog. Got tired of this one...

Here's the address: www.wildchild-itsmyparty.blogspot.com

Theories

2009-03-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

So when I thought everything was gonna work out fine, I was wrong.

You know what? I have a theory. When everything seems perfect, that's when life will pull the rug from beneath you. And the weird thing is, I always seem to fall into the same trap, over and over again. It's like the movie Groundhog Day. You wake up to the same nightmare everyday repeatedly.

I've been really into Gossip Girl recently. Just finished the whole of Season 1. Yes, I know everyone's on Season 2, almost towards the end already, but a lack of moolah equals no proper runs of the show. It's kind of like The O.C., but instead of West Coast, it's East Coast. Instead of snooty rich kids in California, it's snooty rich kids in Manhattan. Awesome show.

I look around me and I see all these people who've accomplished so much. They're smart and beautiful and rich and successful. What about me? I read in a magazine about how more and more women today are earning £75,000 annually, and I think, "Will I ever be one of them in the future?" I just don't see myself as Someone, with a capital S. But I want to be. I guess wanting isn't quite enough.

I just think, I've sacrificed so much. So much for this one person. And this is how I get treated? I can see myself, if I was someone I knew who was in the same position as I am in now, I would advise them to walk away. But then I stay. I stay and I fall into the same damn traps again and again. I hurt so much, but then I forgive. All's good for a little while, but then it all falls apart once again. Why do I never learn?

I'm surrounded by people who love me and care for me. I should be able to fall back and rely on them. But then I feel so alone and helpless. There's no one I can talk to who won't judge me. I want so much to scream, but my voice is trapped inside. I cry alone, because no one understands.

2009-01-21T18:47:00.000-08:00

My first post of the new year! Woohoo!

Right. Moving along.

Smack in the middle of exams now. Want to die. Actually, think I'm actually dead already.

Anyways, saw Bride Wars last week. Predictable, cliched kind of movie, but turned out to be pretty good. Had a decent soundtrack.

Here's a song from the movie. Enjoy! :)

2008-12-19T04:18:00.000-08:00

Christmastime again. Gosh, time flies. Sigh.

Studying sucks, especially when you can't concentrate. It's 4.12 am and you can't sleep, because you slept late last night and woke up in the late afternoon, so you turn to your books, in hopes of actually getting some work done, but end up watching re-runs of The O.C. again.

Sorry, I'm ranting again.

Will be glad to be out for awhile tomorrow. Been so boring cooped up in the flat all the time. Gonna watch Four Christmasses. That's a generic sort of film, yes? People won't read too much into that movie choice, right?

Will be travelling to London on the 22nd. Can't wait. Nottingham is unbelievably boring this time of year.

Wish my life was more interesting. Like Summer Roberts in The O.C. Yeah, wishful thinking. And yes, I watch too much television.

No entry

2008-09-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

No one said it was gonna be easy.

This is seriously hard, and I hate this. There are time when I just wanna break down and sob till my breath stops. Plenty of times when I just wanna slit my wrists in the bathroom and sit under the shower with the water running.

Ok, so maybe I've been watching too much TV.

But it's still hard. My heart can't take it anymore. I give up. I'm all alone here. It's far too depressing. I wish I was back home with everyone I love. There's nothing for me here anymore. I don't feel like I have anything to live for. How could I have possibly thought that I could live here all alone?

But maybe that's exactly what I need. To learn to have some bloody backbone. Life throws you curveballs like these all the time and running away from them isn't gonna do me any good. Maybe I need to learn how to deal with shit like this.

This heart ain't letting anyone in no more.

Indifference

2008-09-02T01:52:00.000-07:00

Move on. Face it bravely. Look at the bright side. Think with your head, not your heart.

All easy to say but hard to put into action.

What can I say? Can't say it doesn't hurt, cos it fucking does. Rewatching episodes of The OC doesn't exactly help my situation either.

I've learnt this summer to be indifferent about the whole thing, to hide my feelings behind a smile, just so it's easier to deal with. When people ask "What happened?", I shrug and say, "Seriously? I don't know."

And the truth is? I really don't.

Till this day, I still question it. Why? Why did it all fall apart? When? How? What did I do? What did I not do?

And the sad thing is? I have absolutely and utterly no clue.

But it's helped that some still care for me, even though I neglected them when I fell apart. I guess you never really get over your first serious relationship. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about this. But hopefully one day, it'll sort of fade into a dull throbbing in the back of my mind.

Bits and pieces of that past come floating back once in awhile, hitting me when I least expect it. I suppose that's how it's supposed to be, how I'm supposed to learn how to deal. But it's hard. I guess it was worse 2 months ago, but the pain, though subsided, is still there inside.

And what's worse is that I think it's just being suppressed deep down, and that one day it'll be too much to take and it'll just burst out, like a river dam breaking.

How will I take it then? Am I supposed to let it all out just so I can get over it? I thought I did that a long time ago. I cried till there weren't tears anymore. And I was glad. I thought that was the end of it. I guess it's not.

I know it takes time. And I know this is all I've wished for. I don't regret any of it, and I'd do it all over again if I had to. I never expected that it would hit me so hard, that it would be this painful.

And now, it's gotten even more confusing. I know it shouldn't be, because let's face it, it's over. And hoping for anything other than that conclusion would just open up old wounds.

I think what hurt the most was that this whole thing seemed to affect me more than it did him. I don't get how he can forget me so easily. It's like I never truly meant anything the whole time we were together. I think that's the first time I've said that out loud.

Tears are easy. And weak. That's why I toughen up and hide it. It's easier that way. Putting on a mask is far more effective. True, the scars are still there, but at least now, they're hidden from the world.

2008-04-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

I think we women tend to have this perfect vision of a man. That take-charge companion to take care of us, but at the same time respect us for who we are and are sensitive. Someone who is romantic, yet not over the top. Someone who loves passionately, but only sees us as his one and only.

Let's face it. Finding someone like this is probably never going to happen. Short of creating a robot we can program to behave exactly how we want it to, we're just going to have to accept that this world is made out of primitive, beer-guzzling, chip-munching creatures. In a nutshell, our 21st century man.

At the moment of meeting, you would say you've met the man of your dreams, your other significant half, your perfect man, But then maybe six months down the road, you start to wonder, is he really The One? You can't ever imagine yourself without that person, probably because of the fear that you'll, once again, be alone, not that the person really is The One.

Maybe there isn't any One. Maybe you've got to go through Many. Maybe The One was just something created by the media, giving people that hope, that dream that someone out there is perfect just for you, and you for them. Maybe in actual fact, no such person exists. You see in movies and on television, the characters always fall in love in the end. Like in The Holiday, where Cameron Diaz and Jude Law fall in love and stay with each other in the end, even though their from different countries. In reality, do you think that really happens?

Of course, as I type this, I know many people are thinking, "Man, what a cynic!" I'm not. I'm just being realistic. Look around you. Sure, everyday around the world, probably thousands, if not millions, of couples exchange wedding vows and words of promises to "stay together till death parts us". And then one, two, maybe three years later, you find them in a divorce attorney's office, fighting over who gets the Italian coffee table.

Sure, I've ranted before, that I know what relationships are like, and that I wanted all that, if only just to experience the good part of relationships too. I guess I've just been hurt too many times. Trust me, nothing lasts forever.

And "I love you"s mean zilch.

Not like home

2008-03-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

Being back here, in this new house. Everything's changed. It's a new house, but it doesn't feel like home. I don't know if people understand how it feels. It's really depressing.

I miss u. And I hate studying. Ugh.

Kill me, kill me now.

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2008-03-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

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2008-03-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

Wow, I've been rather lazy about updating. Hehe.

Valentine's Day was great, although the night did end on a rather sour note. But overall it was wonderful not to have to spend it alone after 18 years of not having someone to spend Valentine's Day with.

My birthday was nothing to write home about either. Had a nice dinner with friends and watched All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. Not a very nice movie. Lovely presents from my lovely friends too! :) My favourite? Armani Code for Women! :D (I guess we all know who it's from!)

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I feel depressed and have weird mood swings. I just feel all over the damn place. Is something wrong with me? Am I just worrying for nothing as usual? I have so much work to do and my grades haven't exactly been great in the first semester, so alot is at stake in this second semester. Being depressed and gloomy isn't exactly helping me out. I feel like breaking down into tears in the middle of the day for reasons that delude even myself. Sometimes I even feel like hurting myself on purpose just so I'll feel some pain so I have a reason for having red weepy eyes.

I'm such a wreck. No wonder that's gonna happen.

Chasing Pavements

2008-02-10T23:40:00.000-08:00

Oh this new song is wonderful. Oh my God, I haven't updated since forever. Haha!

Guess what, dudes?! I'm a-coming home for the Easter holidays! And I'm gonna be flying on the (new-ish) Airbus A380, on it's maiden (ok not maiden (the maiden one's Singapore to London Heathrow, but the second one) flight from London Heathrow to Singapore!

Ok, song.

I've made up my mind

Don't need to think it over

If I'm wrong I am right

Don't need to look no further

This ain't lust

I know this is love but

If I tell the world

I'll never say enough

Cos it was not said to you

And that's exactly what I need to do

If I end up with you

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere

Or would it be a waste

Even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere

I build myself up

And fly around in circles

Waiting as my heart drops

And my back begins to tingle

Finally could this be it

Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere
Or would it be a waste
Even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there
Should I give up
Or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere

Or would it be a waste

Even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there

Should I give up

Or should I just keep on chasing pavements

Should I just keep on chasing pavements

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere

Or would it be a waste

Even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there

Should I give up

Or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere

-Adele-

Christmas

2007-12-25T00:29:00.000-08:00

What do you do when it's Christmas and he's fast asleep and you're feeling lonely and neglected?

Yes, you blog.

It's officially Christmas. This has got to be the worst one ever so far (well, Christmas Eve technically). Every year I always spend Christmas Eve staying up waiting for it to be midnight. Yeah, this year's the first with him, but honestly, I'd much rather be spending it with my girlfriends. At least we know how to have fun.

A very Merry Christmas to everyone out there. Hope your Christmas turns out better than mine.

So Close

2007-12-21T01:01:00.000-08:00

The other song I love from the movie Enchanted. Here's So Close, by Jon McLaughlin. This song made me cry in the movie, when Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey (aka Doctor McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy for those who don't know) were dancing in the ballroom at the King and Queen's Ball.

You’re in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I’m with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by

Romantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting

Waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted

To hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come

So far

We are

So close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now

We’re so close

To reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

Let’s go on dreaming

For we know we are

So close

And still so far

-Jon McLaughlin-

Listen to the song and tell me u don't feel tears well up in your eyes. It's such a sweet song. Sadly, it reminds of something that's happened a few days back, and makes the song even more meaningful for me. Oh don't worry, nothing tragically terrible occured. But I think I've stumbled upon something that probably shouldn't be too much of a surprise to me, but oh wells, I'm rambling again, so I think I should just get back to my work and throw all those silly thoughts out of this unbelievable idiotic mind of mine.

Ever ever after

2007-12-21T00:30:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a fun girls' night out. I needed that boost of crazy girl talk and laughter. Had dessert at Santa Fe before the movie. Nice restaurant. Shall go there for dinner maybe

Watched the Disney movie, Enchanted. Such a delightful, beautiful fairytale movie. Sigh. :)

Here are the lyrics of the song Carrie Underwood sang for the movie's soundtrack, Ever Ever After. I'm putting up the music video too so you guys can give it a listen. Really nice song. Will put up music videos of the songs in the movie too if I can find them.

Ever ever after

Storybook endings
Fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we wanna believe they still do
In our secretest heart
Its our favorite part of the story
Let's just admit we all wanna make it to

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Start a new fashion
Wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's realest by making believe
Unafraid, Unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you

Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you its not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart

Believe in ever after
No wonder your heart feels its flying
Your head feels its spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted
You just might break through

To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe its just one wish away
Your ever ever after

Ever ever ever after
I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
Oh ever ever after

-Carrie Underwood-

I'm definitely dragging him to watch this movie. Don't care what he says. This movie is a must-watch for you romantics (and the cynical, not-so-romantic ones) out there. :) Lots of life lessons in it. As all Disney movies are, I suppose.

2007-12-19T22:51:00.000-08:00

So, when I said I'd post after Christmas or New Year, who knew I'd be back so fast? Must be something in the water here that makes me blog. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Blah.

The days pass fast here. I suppose it's because of the absolute lack of sunshine. Hopefully it's nice and bright on Sunday. :)

Again, I shall post lovely, lovely lyrics. :D I might have posted this song before, but oh wells. Deal with it.

To make a mountain of

Your life is just a choice

But I never learned enough

To listen to the voice that told me

Always love

Hate will get you every time

Always love

Don't wait ‘til the finish line

Slow demands come 'round

Squeeze the air and keep the rest out

It helps to write it down

Even when you then cross it out

But always love

Hate will get you every time

Always love

Even when you want to fight

Self-directed lives

I want to know what it'd be like to

Aim so high above

Every card that you get dealt you

Always love

Hate will get you every time

Always love

Hate will get you

And I've been held back by something, yeah

You said to me quietly on the stairs

I've been held back by something, yeah
You said to me quietly on the stairs

You said

Hey you good ones

To make a mountain of
Your life is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me

Always love
Hate will get you every time
Always love
Hate will get you

I've been held back by something, yeah

You said to me quietly on the stairs
You said
Hey you good ones
Hey you good ones

Hey you good ones

-Nada Surf-

Work sucks. Feel slightly suicidal. Ugh. I am so emo at the moment, it's not even funny. Sigh. Ok, shall go drown my sorrows in... Great. Don't even have anything here to drown my sorrows in. Back to fascinating management accounting. Yay.

That time of year again

2007-12-18T18:05:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again.

Christmas. Happy faces all round, surrounded by bright twinkling fairy lights. But this year, I'm not so sad to bear witness to all the festivities.

He's made my life seem worth living. I know, how corny it sounds, right? And how totally cliched. But somehow, as much as I hate to admit it, it's true. We fight, we squabble, we row. But then we make up and everything's great again. Somehow, I feel lucky to have him in my life.

Another 4 days till I see him. God, I miss him so much. Living alone (well, not really alone since there other people in the flat, but they're always gone so I might as well be living alone) brings my spirits down.

I've drawn up a schedule so I can hopefully get quite some revision done before I see him. So far, I'm failing miserably. Thursday will be required to do some last minute Christmas shopping. Christmas dinner with friends in the flat on Saturday. That should be fun.

Ugh. Stomach's feeling very bloated. I just had a huge dinner of bacon, chicken and mushroom omelette. Yum! :) I am quite the cook, if I may say so myself. :P

Alrighty. It's back to work for me. Shall hopefully update again before the new year, but if not, it'll be after my exams in January. So till then, Merry Christmas and a very happy New Year! Ta, everyone!

Quizás, Quizás, Quizás

2007-10-26T00:59:00.000-07:00

They say, when one door closes, another opens.

Things have been a whirl of colours recently. Well, there was the first Newark formal this year on Tuesday, with the afterparty at Faces. I'll put up some pics now for u guys. :)

Holly, Ellie and me.

MOI!

Me and Anna.

Me and Yessicha.

Ellie, me and Yessicha.

Ok, Blogger is fucking annoying. Argh, will upload more photos another time.

Anyways. Something's happened and I think it's big. I'm not naive enough to think that it's The One. But I'm gonna look at this positively and hope for the best. It's pretty obvious where this is heading. But don't wanna go too fast, lest it crash and burn. Slow and steady wins the race, yes?

He's a great guy, so sincere and genuine. It's so cheesy, I know, but I feel like I've known him for a long time, even though we've only met 2 days ago. He's such a sweetie too. We just hung out for several hours, just talking. The way he looks at me, wow, it just gives me goosebumps. But in a good way. :) I'm no expert, but I can tell, this guy's pretty into me. Don't ask me why. Even I don't get it.

I guess we'll just have to see where this goes. But I've a pretty good feeling. Don't get me wrong, I think it's WAAAY too fast. Plus my feelings for Him haven't entirely faded. But over time, I know they will. This guy is just so intense, and I think he really likes me alot. I like him too. And I don't wanna break his heart.

So perhaps, perhaps this is it. Perhaps everything's looking up. I guess things come at you when you least expect it.

Moronic fuckwit

2007-10-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

I saw Him today when He came by to return my stuff.

U know how it is, when u break up with someone and u play in ur head all the things u wanna say to them when u finally do see them?

And when the time comes, u just become all tongue tied, and the whole speech u'd planned just flies out of your head.

That's how it was with me. I must have looked like such a moronic fuckwit, yammering on mindlessly about how drunk I'd been the past few weeks since I'd been back (Omg, can u say verbal diarrhoea?!), whilst He stood there looking all cool, and cute with his new hairstyle, and gorgeous as usual, and (Horror of horrors!) kissable.

I thought I'd got over Him. That the past few weeks I'd been healing, and really well too. But the wounds are reopened. It took all of my energy today not to kiss Him as I usually did in the past when I greeted Him. He looks good. I hate Him for that. I look like crap. It's not fair. It really isn't.

I don't suppose I'll see him again ever. It's true, you know, that your first love screws u up. There, I said it. He was my first love. It wasn't long enough for us to call it love, I suppose, but yes, I'd fallen in love with Him. U just never get over that first love.

Not quite goodbye

2007-09-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

In everyone's life, there comes a time when one has to face a breakup. Ok, so maybe my relationship didn't last for very long. But it was the first one where I invested so much time, energy and emotion into.

There are different stages of a breakup, and I've experienced all of them. Well, maybe not the final one yet.

Shock left me cold. It was like I'd suddenly lost all my senses. I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. It was like receiving a large, and very painful, punch in the gut.

Next came Denial, riding down on me swiftly, just as I left for Europe. I tried to ignore the fact that I was, once again, newly single, even though it wasn't too long ago that I was a singleton. I tried to pretend everything was fine and dandy, that I still had him, that we were still together.

Then came Fear. Fear that I would never find someone as cute (as superficial as this sounds, don't tell me no girl in this world will think this to herself.) as him, fear that I would never be in another relationship with such passion and fun, fear that I would never be loved. And, since I was the one who got kicked to the curb, fear that the next relationship I get into would end up like this one.

Despair is the worst. It brings you down to your knees when you least expect it. It tears you apart inside and your heart feels like it's breaking into a gazillion little shards. You feel like someone's stabbed you in the chest with a blunt knife and twisted it in the wound. Plus it's worse for me, since my parents are blissfully ignorant, so I have to hide it somehow. I can't cry, so the pain and hurt just wells up inside.

Anger helps. But after a flash of Anger, Despair inevitably follows. I don't know why. Anger helps me have a certain perspective, so I don't drown too much in sorrow. "Why?!" "How dare he dump me?!" "It's his loss!" "He toyed with my feelings!" "I hope the girl he's next with looks like a cow!" Stuff like this helps to ease the pain a little, although it does trigger some angry tears. Unfortunately, guilt of wishing bad stuff on people comes later. (Why did I have to be so soft-hearted?)

Sadly, Acceptance looks like a little speck in the distance. I know, eventually, I'll forgive and perhaps (but probably not) forget.

But for now, I'm still hanging on to those memories. Some days, I wake up feeling pretty ok, and when I think back to those times we had together, I can't help but smile. Sure, it might be a wry one, but at least we had some pretty good times while it lasted.

I'm still not ready to let go and move on. Still not ready to say goodbye. I'm still hanging on to the threads. Maybe just for a little while more.

2007-08-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight

Everything, it felt so right

Unbreakable

Like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No, I don't cry on the outside

Anymore

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

-Kelly Clarkson-

I think this song just about says it all.

Nuff said.

Secret

2007-08-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

Anyone's who's gone and seen Jay Chou's latest movie, Secret, or 不能说的秘密, you'll all agree it it a truly awesome movie. Perhaps a little more along the arthouse genre, but I think it's still a great film. Probably one of Jay Chou's best works.

I'm in love with the classical music in the movie, and of course the soundtrack, which is composed and sung by Jay Chou himself, who also incidentally wrote the story for the movie and directed it himself.

I'm posting the Chinese lyrics up here with the music video. For those who don't understand Chinese, I'll post up a translation at the end. :)

冷咖啡离开了杯垫

我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前

在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天

是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐

回忆的画面

在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

又何必去改变已错过的时间

你用你的指尖阻止我说再见

想像你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

或许命运的签只让我们遇见

只让我们相恋这一季的秋天

飘落後才发现这幸福的碎片

要我怎麼捡

-Jay Chou 周杰伦-

Beautiful lyrics. The translation is... well, the best there is out there already. But the Chinese words hold more meaning.

Here's the translation. It's almost funny.

As the cold coffee leaves the coaster
I desperately try to hold my emotions far behind
Fighting hard to restore the past
On my face you can still see ever so clearly

That rainy day wasn’t the most beautiful
It’s the shelters that I once shared with you in the rain
The pictures in my memory
While on the swings dreams become less sweet

You told me that by gradually letting go I’d be able to go further
And why bother changing the times that you’ve missed
You used your fingertip to stop me from saying goodbye
Imagining you by my side before you completely disappear

You told me that by gradually letting go I’d be able to go further
Perhaps life’s destiny only allowed us to meet
Only allowed us to love this one season of fall
Only after the pieces drifted down that I realized these are the pieces of happiness
How do I pick them up

See what I mean? The translation does the song no justice. It's only beautiful in Chinese. Haha.

2007-08-21T21:11:00.001-07:00

Honestly, I don't know what on earth's going on. And I'm not gonna go think about it too much. There's too much energy involved as it is already. I'm learning to let the little things go.

I haven't spoken to him in over a week already. Ok, a couple texts here and there. But that's not enough. I don't know. I'm too tired. I've tried. It's his turn. If he cares, he'll call.

To Joyce: Haha. If u're reading this, guess what?! My tagboard says I'm wordy too! So I decided to write u in this entry! Wooh! So yeah, I've added u on Friendster. My MSN should be up there. :D Sorry, somehow couldn't click that link to your MSN on my tagboard. Stupidass thing. And yeah definitely we can meet up! Discuss this on MSN yeah? :)

Well, just over a week till my Eurotrip! Can't wait. 3 more work days and I'm free! :D Wow. Time flies. Seems like just yesterday that I just got back from UK. In about 4 weeks I'll be flying back. :)

Draw the line

2007-08-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging from work. Thank God work's pretty quiet today. I just spoke to a really nasty client on the phone, and it took all of my energy to be polite to him, with my mood already as lousy as it is. Why, u may ask?

Why, because of something I saw at 12 noon today.

I know people say that girls think too much. But seriously, I don't see how I can "think too much" in this case.

I feel like my heart's gonna break, literally into two, with the cracking sound effect.

I don't think I'm a very jealous person. I'm extremely patient and very impartial. But I just don't see how I can be ok about this and smile like it's all perfectly normal. And I admit, I feel a slight tinge of jealousy. Do I sound insecure? Cos I don't think I am. If I were, I would be freaking out about every single girl in his photos.

I'm his girlfriend. I have acknowleged that fact since the day we became exclusive. He's said it a couple of times too, so in his mind I should have established at least some kind of priority. Ok, he has his friends. I do too. And I know it would be unfair to ask him not to hang out with his friends all the time, cos I know that if he asked that of me, I wouldn't like it either.

But that's where I draw the line. Especially GIRL friends. I'm totally fine with him having female friends. But to look so cosy together, it's just... just not fair to me. Would he like it if he saw a photo of me and a guy friend being all cosy together? I think not. I don't care how platonic the relationship is. Bottom line is, he's gotta consider my feelings as well.

I know I must sound so demanding. Do I actually? I don't know. I think I'm being extremely magnanimous. I don't know how to breach this subject with him. How do I even talk to him about this? Right now, this doesn't seem like something we should discuss online.

Sigh. Sometimes when I think about it, all the hugs and kisses and compliments just don't justify these worries and headaches of our relationship. But I'm not giving up. This is the first relationship that's progressed more in 3 weeks than any of my past relationships, and has lasted far longer than I ever expected it to (and of course, lasted longer than the last 2 "boyfriends" I had). I guess it's hard because we're away from each other. Hopefully this all irons out when I'm back. Or rather, I hope we can last the remaining 5 weeks.

1 more week of work. 2 weeks till Eurotrip (it's been shifted to 3rd September now). Can't freakin' wait. 2 whole stress-free weeks in Europe. 1 week when I return before I fly back to UK. Sigh. Wish time would speed up.

Trust

2007-08-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

I think sometimes when you overthink things, they tend to come true.

So here it is. I'm gonna stop all that nonsense. I'm just gonna let my guard down and trust him with my heart.

He wants to take me away for a weekend when I'm back, and he absolutely refuses to tell me what he's planned. Not even where we're gonna go. Just keeps saying that we'll talk when I get back. Intrigue. I like. :)

Having a small booze party with the girls soon. Hope everyone can hold their liquor, not like last time! ;)

2 more weeks of work. Can't wait to get it all over and done with! Sigh. Then I'll be free to do my own stuff. Eurotrip's in 3 weeks! WOOHOO! He said he might come meet me in Paris, but I don't have high hopes for that, since he's got a charity run the very next day, but we'll see how it goes. Plus my parents would be there, so I can't actually run off with him for an entire day.

But just imagine. Paris. The city of romance. How wonderful would that be? :)

But even if it isn't Paris, I wouldn't care. As long as I'm with him, I'm happy. We could be holed up in an absolute dump for a whole week and I wouldn't complain.

This isn't to say, of course, that I'm entirely jealous-free. His 80's theme party is tonight. Meaning girls dressed in sexy cocktail dresses and all made up. But I shall stick to my new motto, and not overthink things, and just trust him to stay true to me.

Eternity

2007-08-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

I feel so down. It feels like we're drifting apart. I try not to think that, because I don't want it to be true. I know we're both busy with work, and he has his social life and I have mine, and the bloody time difference is a bitch to deal with. But it's a little unsettling.

I mean, I miss him. I honestly do. He's on my mind even when I'm busy dealing with crap all day. But how much does he miss me? I honestly don't know.

3 more weeks and I'll be off to Europe for 11 days. That's 11 days without internet (well, hopefully there will be some internet cafes or something). That means 11 days of no communication. Ok, maybe there'll be a few texts here and there, but even those are sparse now, when there used to be at least one every day.

I know I sound like I'm just being a whiny brat, wanting attention from my boyfriend. But I don't think it's too much to ask for at least a little acknowledgement that I'm on his mind.

Internship's ending soon. Can't wait. Only 2 more weeks.

41 days. Seems like an eternity.

Sacrifice

2007-07-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

Some say love it is a river

That drowns the tender reed

Some say love it is a razor

That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger

An endless aching need

I say love it is a flower

And you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking

That never learns to dance

It's the dream afraid of waking

That never takes the chance

It's the one who won't be taken

Who cannot seem to give

And the soul afraid of dying

That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely

And the road has been too long

And you think that love is only

For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter

Far beneath the bitter snow

Lies the seed that with the sun's love

In the spring becomes the rose

-Westlife-

Ok, I think I may have posted these lyrics up before, but heck. I know love and relationships is all about give and take. But sometimes, (and I know alot of girls out there have experienced this and will wholeheartedly agree with me) I feel that I'm always the one giving. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to make him feel happy, because when I see him smile, it makes me smile too. But then, there are times when I get this knawing feeling that I've always pushed away, that returns with a vengeance, that he cares about me, but only when he wants and likes to.

I know guys function totally different from girls. Girls think WAY too much, whereas guys have one thought and act upon it. Plain and simple. So I'm trying to see it from that angle. Maybe he had a bad day and just wanted to relax. I don't know. It's just so confusing. Maybe it'll all get better soon.

Hot

2007-07-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

Another song for y'all. It's called Hot, by Avril Lavigne. Not her usual angsty stuff, but this song's pretty apt for me, so there we go.

Things have been going great. May be going back to UK earlier than planned, cos of staff holiday. Fingers crossed everyone! :)

Ah, ah ah
You're so good to me baby, baby

I wanna lock you up in my closet
When no one's around
I wanna put your hand in my pocket
Because you're allowed
I wanna drive you into the corner
And kiss you without a sound
I wanna stay this way forever
I'll say it loud

Now you're in, and you can't get out

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
It's so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me baby, baby
You're so good to me baby, baby

I can make you feel all better
Just take it in
And I can show you all the places
You've never been
And I can make you say everything
That you've never said
And I will let you do anything
Again and again

Now you're in, and you can't get out

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
It's so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me baby, baby
You're so good to me baby, baby

Kiss me gently
Always I know
Hold me
Love me
Don't ever go
Ooh, yeah yeah

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
It's so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
It's so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me baby, baby
You're so good to me baby, baby

You're so good

-Avril Lavigne-

Brown Penny

2007-07-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

I whispered, "I am too young,"

And then, "I am old enough;

"Wherefore I threw a penny

To find out if I might love.

"Go and love, go and love, young man,

If the lady be young and fair."

Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,

I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,

There is nobody wise enough

To find out all that is in it,

For he would be thinking of love.

Till the stars had run away

And the shadows eaten the moon.

Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,

One cannot begin it too soon.

-William Butler Yeats-

I've always loved the English language and Literature. This poem, Brown Penny, by Willaim Butler Yeats, is a true testimony of the beauty of poetry. Plus it's about love, and I heard it on Must Love Dogs, one of my favourite movies, so it comes as no surprise that I should post it up here.

I've come to a conclusion. Not everyone is a die-hard romantic (like me :P). It figures that along with the hopeless romantics (like me) come the not-so hopeless romantics (like him). Although he says he is pretty romantic, he's not overboard and he prefers to do romantic things spontaneously and occasionally, so it's more special.

So it's all good. :)

68 more days

2007-07-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

I do realise that, as with everything else in life, there can never be that perpetual, initial high. Somehow, God, or whatever entity around, is determined to test you and add in all the lows and the emotions that come along as well.

But worry not! As the saying goes, the sun will come out again. :) This is just a minor bump in our road together. Probably because we've talked too much and now can't find new topics immediately to talk about.

But aren't couples supposed to be able to talk about anything under the sun? Or is it perfectly natural to have occasional stints where you both just get a little bored of each other and wanna do your own thing? Sigh, really wish I had a relationship guru or something.

But on a brighter note, at least only 68 more days till I get back.

Seriously, if we can last these 3 months, I don't think there's anything we can't get through.

Hard to remember

2007-07-12T16:16:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to feel jealous when your boyfriend seems to have a life, whereas you pretend to have one, cos you don't wanna seem too available or too desperate, or that you "live for him" (I don't actually, although sometimes it feels like I do cos I'm so bored that I just wait for him to come online just to entertain me), when actually your life is pretty damn mundane?

Another question to pose to the huge black void out there.

Sigh. Relationships are so hard. All this second-guessing and wondering, it's so tiring. Life was so much easier when I was single. Not that I'm regretting being with him, don't get me wrong. I love every minute I spend with him, I love knowing that there's someone who, well, not love as yet (I hope), but likes me alot. I love knowing that when I get back, there's someone there to make me smile and laugh, who will give me cuddles and kisses and all the perks there are in a relationship.

But being away from each other really puts the pressure on. I know I should stop being a silly and just relax, cos I'm probably thinking too much, as usual. I'm sure everyone who's heard my worries are annoyed and irritated beyond belief and wanna bonk me on the head repeatedly.

Sigh. I guess this all boils down to trust, right?

Do I trust him?
Yes, honestly, I do.

Do I trust him with my heart?
Honestly?
I'm not sure.

It's like Gwen Stefani sang in Cool.

"It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life"

Ok, so he isn't the love of my life (yet), but he could well be in the future. Unfortunately, without a crystal ball or tarot cards, I can't predict what will happen.

But the point is, Gwen's right. It is hard to remember how it felt before. I've forgotten what I used to do in my free time before. Like, what did I do during my Easter holidays, when I didn't have anyone? What did I do to keep myself sane and occupied? It seems that with the perks of relationships, the heartaches come packaged along as well. I'm not saying that I'm naive enough to believe that any relationship wouldn't have its ups and downs. I'm just saying that for every good thing that comes your way, 2 sucky things will come to wobble your path and mess things up.

Ah, I'm rambling again. Bet no one comes to this blog anyways.

Let me fall

2007-07-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, yesterday's feelings are still around, although I'm looking at in from a different perspective now.

I guess the only way to put into words the way I really feel is to once again borrow the words of a song.

It's October again

Leaves are coming down

One more year's come and gone

And nothing's changed at all

Wasn't I supposed to be someone

Who can face the things that I've been running from

Let me feel

I don't care if I breakdown

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

And if I

Cry a little

Die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little

I've become much too good at being invincible

I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool

But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be

I refuse to let my life roll all over me

Let me feel

I don't care if I breakdown

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

And if I

Cry a little

Die a little

At least I know I lived

Just a little

I wanna be somebody

I, I wanna be somebody

I wanna be somebody

I, I wanna be somebody

Who can face the things that I've been running from

Let me feel

I don't care if I breakdown

Let me fall

Even if I hit the ground

And if I

Cry a little

Die a little

At least I know I lived

It's October again

Leaves are coming down

One more year's come and gone

And nothing's changed at all

-Bethany Joy Lenz-

As a wise man once said, "Just let it happen." ;)

Well, to that I say,

"Let me fall

Evenif I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived"

Warm fuzzies

2007-07-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

At work now. I'm freakin' bored and sleepy. Sigh.

Incredibly, I've got the warm fuzzies, the butterflies, the euphoric feeling of floating with my head in the clouds.

Guess that's what being in a relationship can do to u. :)

Yet a tiny voice keeps yelling out, "Don't be a first-prized ass! This is only the honeymoon period!"

But yet I know deep down, this "honeymoon period" will last for a long time. As long as we practice patience, understanding and compromise, we'll be happy. And I believe we can. :)

I'm Yours

2007-07-08T00:19:00.000-07:00

Gonna have to go cold turkey for awhile. See, too much isn't good either. I'm probably annoying the hell outta him after we've been talking for 2 days straight.

Anyways, reason why I'm blogging today is to put up some lyrics. Special thanks to Ed, for providing this bit of blog fodder. :)

Super emo song, so if you're prone to moments of extreme emo-ness, deal with it, or don't listen to this song. When I first heard it, waves of different emotions flooded over. It sounds a little like something out of the 50 First Dates soundtrack. Probably isn't, but yeah.

Jason Mraz's voice is so goddamn nice. Lucky I found that video! His voice is strong enough to go acapella. Raw talent, I tell u.

Anyways, the lyrics!

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it

I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted

I fell right through the cracks, and I'm tryin to get back

Before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test

And nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention

I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and damn you're free

Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love

Listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me

Ah, la peaceful melody

It's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved

Loved

So, i won't hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait I'm sure

There's no need to complicate, our time is short

This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror

And bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer

My breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what I'm a sayin' is there ain't no better reason

To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons

It's what we aim to do our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait, I'm sure

There's no need to complicate, our time is short

It cannot wait, i'm yours

No please don't complicate, our time is short

This is our fate, im yours

No please don't hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait, the sky is yours

Well open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and damn you're free

Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love

Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me

Ah, la one big family

It's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved

Open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and damn you're free

Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love

Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me

Ah, la happy family

It's our god forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved

Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me

Ah, la peaceful melodies

It's your god forsaken right to be loved, loved loved, loved

-Jason Mraz-

Such beautiful lyrics. Sigh. Makes me feel sad though. But I guess, what I'm trying to say here is, I'm yours. :) Might be too soon, but don't care no more. Like the song says, "There's no need to complicate, our time is short." Besides, I think I'm falling. Might be too fast, might be too hard. But u only live once right? Better to have loved with all my heart, than never to have experienced that heartache.

Argh, work tomorrow. Sigh, really don't feel like going. 7 more weeks. And come end of this week, it'll be 6! Hope this week goes fast.

Muscle through

2007-07-07T01:12:00.000-07:00

Anyone who ever said that relationships are easy is very wrong. And anyone who said that long-distance relationships are tolerable is extremely wrong.

Where do I stop before I cross the line? I don't wanna be one of those girlfriends who obsess constantly about her boyfriend, wondering what he's up to, who he's with or whatever. But it's hard. He isn't constantly on my mind, but when he's in my thoughts, it's difficult to push him out again.

We've only known each other, what, slightly more than 2 months. And we've only officially come out about our relationship for less than a week. Ok, we've actually become exclusive about 4 weeks, but I didn't know if he'd acknowledged that. So we'll take our exclusivity as the day we actually officially changed our relationship status.

Sigh. There are moments like these when I really hate being 11,000 miles away from him. I guess it's just not knowing where he is and what he's doing. Yes, I trust him wholeheartedly. I know, so contradictory, right? But tell me, doesn't everyone get that tiny smidgen of doubt now and then?

It's not that I don't have a life. Ok, that's not true. I don't have a life. At least here I don't. Everyday it's just routine. Wake up, go to work, come home from work, maybe talk to him online, sleep, and the cycle begins all over again.

Sigh. Only 7 weeks more of work. It ain't that bad, just extremely tedious and boring entering of data. But I'm hangin' in there! :)

Just another 76 days. This one's a little harder to muscle through. Slowly but surely though, the days will go by. :)

Guess this is gonna be one of those disgustingly depressing posts. Whoever thought that now that my relationship status has changed, I'd still post such morbid posts again! Haha! Watched Must Love Dogs earlier, starring the smouldering Dermot Mulroney, the very cute John Cusack (one of my favourite actors), and the very charming Diane Lane. If you guys have yet to watch this movie, I swear to God, watch it! I guess this movie speaks to me in a way. How it speaks to me, I can't say. :P But some of you who've heard the story and watched the movie, guess you'll understand the reason why! :D

I got this off Dawn Yang's blog. It just felt so apt that I couldn't help but put it up here too. :)

"Distance is to relationships like wind is to fire....it extinguishes the small flames, but makes the great ones burn even brighter."

Off the market :D

2007-07-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

Work's fucking boring. Sigh. :(

And now, apparently I'm "officially off the market". Hehe.

I miss u. :(

83 days

2007-06-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

I guess everyone's gotta start somewhere right? Usually at the bottom of the pile. Oh wells. What to do? I need this to chock up work experience. Only 8 more weeks to go. THANK THE LORD.

My mom is INSANE. She's driving me up the wall. (I know, what's new, right?) This morning she came barging into my bedroom at 7.35am, yes, 7.35am, and screamed at me to get out of bed or she'd throw water on me.

WHAT THE FUCK KINDA CRAZED, INSANE LUNATIC HAVE U GIVEN ME AS A MOTHER, GOD?!

Seriously, I just can't wait to get back to UK. At least there I have peace. (And my mom said, how the hell do u wake up early over there?! U must be lying!) I don't know. Somehow, over there, I just can get up at whatever time I set my alarm. But here, it's like my brain doesn't function.

Only 83 more bloody days to go.

Welcome to hell

2007-06-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I have to do WHAT?!

Un-fucking-believable.

Next Monday, welcome to hell. Literally. I have to get up at 7am, take the train to Tuas, and do stock taking in, and I quote my colleague, "a very hot, smelly and dirty place".

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Great. Well, at least I won't actually have to do any thinking. All I have to do is count barrels of, albeit smelly, chemicals.

Wonderful. I love my life.

You give me something

2007-06-26T22:26:00.000-07:00

Can't believe it's only Tuesday. Sigh. Time seems to just crawl.

Seems ironic. Last time I was back, I didn't want to go back at all, and time just flew past in a blink of an eye. But now, I'm dying to return to good ol' Nottingham. Well, I guess the heart wants what it wants, eh? ;)

Work's going ok so far. Really boring tedious stuff I'm doing, and quite mindless too. But that's fine by me. :) It seems that what I'm really learning is the software. Just 43 more days of work. Can't freakin' wait.

Dad's going to Medan (again!) for a business trip Wednesday through Friday. Sigh. Just gonna be the three of us. GREAT. :(

You only stay with me in the morning

You only hold me when I sleep

I was meant to tread the water

But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you

Another piece backs away

Cos you give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing but I'm willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours

Just to spend a little time alone with me

And I can say I've never bought you flowers

I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone

That was someone else's dream

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing but I'm willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late

And the words that I could never say

Are gonna come out anyway

Cos you give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing but I'm willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Cos you give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing but I'm willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart

-James Morrison-

This song holds extremely true for me. Having been hurt in the past makes it so hard to accept what's happening.

Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts? Have you ever missed someone so much it feels like a part of you is gone?

Ok, maybe that was abit over the top melodramatic.

But what I mean to say is along those lines. Truth is, I'm afraid. I don't wanna get hurt again. The wounds have never really healed.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm afraid to fall in love with you.

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

Dreams

2007-06-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

Spending all my money on phone cards
Waiting for my ship to come in
In from that ocean
Come home to this sea
Harboring in me

I don't believe in four leaf clovers
Or the luck they're supposed to bring
I've used all my wild cards
But there's something I can do
To get close to you

I've got dreams of love
And I love you
I know you feel the same way too
I feel your spirit
When you're near me and when you're away

Somehow, somewhere
I'll see you again
But until then
I've got dreams of loving you

Thinking bout' every little thing
We ever did crazy
Sipping on that memory lane
That lane never closes
Seven days of the week
I can drive in my sleep

I've got dreams of love

And I love you

I know you feel the same way too

I feel your spirit

When you're near me and when you're away
Somehow, somewhere

I'll see you again
But until then

I've got dreams of loving you

Dreams I will share
When I see you again
And I'll see you again pretty soon
I could wait
But until then...

I've got dreams

I've got dreams of love
And I love you
I know you feel the same way too
I feel your spirit
When you're near me and when you're away

Somehow, somewhere
I'll see you again

But until then
I've got dreams of loving you

-Gavin Degraw-

Ok, I know this is unbelievably crazy for me to post up. But I love this song, and it's very, very apt for me right now.

I'll see you again

But until then

I've got dreams of loving you

I've started interning at my mom's office. Yeah, I know. INSANE. I MUST BE LOCO. But beggars can't be fucking choosers. :(

10 weeks of pure torture. Just wonderful.

At least it's only another 13 weeks till I see him again. Another 91 days. Ah, bliss. :)

Surreal

2007-06-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

The last 2 days have just been surreal.

Sucks that I gotta leave in less than a week. :(

Anyways. Photos from Alton Towers trip last Friday.

Oblivion. The scariest ride. It's a vertical drop into a black hole. Needless to say, I didn't go on it. Haha.

Next, the gardens in Alton Towers. Had a nice walk in there. :)

In the Haunted Hollow.

Cute little ducklings.

Me and Kan.

Rukshan, me, Tsolmo and James.

Group shot.

More photos later. Blogger is annoying me now.

Sum up

2007-06-05T01:33:00.000-07:00

Another splendid day. Sigh.

Feeling wistful now.

Just a brief update on what I've been doing over the weekend.

After a perfect Friday, went to Manchester on Saturday. Was sunny and warm. Met up with the twins and had lunch and a spot of shopping. Great fun. Cancellation of bloody trains ain't fun though. Had to wait a freakin' hour for the next stupid train.

Sunday was spent lazing around. Went to town for awhile with Lucy, Doaa, and Kan, and then headed to Wollaton Park for a walk. There was a vintage carshow on. Pity I didn't bring my camera with me. Saw some really gorgeous cars.

Today was spent watching movies. Watched House of Wax, and American Pie 1 and 2. Great fun. Was lovely day out today, except it was rather windy and got abit chilly in the evening.

Gonna go to Hampton Court Palace in London tomorrow. Promise I'll take as many photos as I can. If it's good weather, it'll be extra lovely.

Ok, I think that just about sums it up. Gotta crash now. Wakeup call's at the ungodly hour of 4.30am. Sigh. My body's a-crying.

Foot pop :)

2007-06-02T15:51:00.000-07:00

I've had the best night ever.

Went for dinner at this really nice cosy Italian restaurant and had the most yummy pizza. I swear, the crust was super thin, and the toppings were quite generous. Yum. Might also be that the company's good. :)

Oh yes! Exams finally over! Haha how could I forget?! Hope I did fine for them. Went to Media for ISB party with the gang. Didn't bring my camera though, so gotta wait for pictures from my various friends. Great fun, but music was crap. Haha. Haven't had crazy fun for such a long time. Gonna miss all my friends who are graduating this year. :(

I'm a very happy girl now. :D

My foot popped. Haha.

2007-05-30T04:40:00.000-07:00

I've ruined it.

Thanks to my incessant over-thinking of things, listening to people's advice, well-meaning as it is, not exactly the best route to take, and the usual verbal diarrhoea.

ARGH!

I've fucked things up just when they were going good.

FUCK.

Yummy

2007-05-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

Oh, perfect, perfect, perfect.

Today was just absolutely perfect.

Everything went smoothly. Nothing bad happened. Everything was just natural and I had a great time.

Sigh. I wish I could put into words everything I feel.

Yummy.

Nerves of steel

2007-05-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

Finally! 1 more exam left. With a 5 day break in between. Yes, the well-deserved break is definitely in high demand.

Well, tomorrow. Just thinking about it makes my heart beat at an insane rate. I need nerves of steel. Sigh.

Pray to God there's good weather tomorrow. Pray to God nothing goes wrong. Pray to God my feelings are reciprocated.

Ok, I guess that's it for now. I'm so sorry for the lack of updates, and the incredibly crytic and short ones when there are updates. I promise as everything pans out, I'll reveal more.

Girly night of pampering in preparation will now begin.

Let's hope

2007-05-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

3 exams down, 3 more to go.

QM1B is tomorrow. In a word, I'm basically screwed.

Yet with all these stress and pressure, I feel oddly happy and light-headed. It's like a perpetual high.

And I love this feeling.

Let's hope it lasts. Let's hope it's true. Let's hope that it'll grow.

Past, present and future

2007-05-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

This guy Subha just did a palm reading for me.

I'm not a HUGE believer in this kinda stuff, but what he said to me really freaked me out. There he was staring at all these wonky things on my hands and he was telling me stuff about my life and me.

Just to clarify, I didn't know Subha until I saw him doing a palm reading for my friend Ilhaam and I thought it'd be fun to do one too. So he has no idea who I am or what happened or happens in my life.

He told me alot of stuff, most good, some bad. But I don't wanna jinx it all by posting it up here.

The lucky few whom I tell shall be the only ones.

And that's gonna have to wait awhile. At least for 37 days.

I Will Always Love You

2007-05-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Gilmore Girls is gonna end with its seventh season. So sad. It's such a great show. Unbelievable that the network decided to drop it.

I just watched episode 20 of season 7. The scene where Lorelai gets up on stage and sings I Will Always Love You (the Dolly Parton version, although I prefer the Whitney Houston version.) to Rory for her graduation, and then Luke walks in, my God. My heart just broke there and then. And she'd just reached the part of the song where is says "Bittersweet memories/ That is all I'm taking with me/ So good-bye/ Please don't cry/ We both know I'm not what you need." Especially the part where she sings "And I will always love you" and kinda shrugs a little, it's like she's saying to Luke "That's all. Now you know.". And later she sings "I hope life treats you kind/ And I hope you have all you've dreamed of/ And I wish you joy and happiness/ But above all this I wish you love.", and Luke sort of jerks his head. Oh my God. The waterworks just came on and refused for stop for a good 20 minutes.

Watch it and tell me you don't feel tears well up in your eyes. Tell me you don't feel any emotion build up inside. It's so sad. After everything Luke and Lorelai have been through, you just feel for them.

Continuation

2007-05-04T02:24:00.000-07:00

Huh.

My revision's totally gone to hell.

So. I found 2 videos on Youtube that had the song I posted earlier.

The first one is an original clip from an episode of One Tree Hill. The song was the CODA of the show, and it has Lucas Scott's meaningful musings, so I thought it was appropriate to put it up.

The second one is the song with clips from the Gilmore Girls. Since I am totally in love with that show, and the never-ending drama and nail-biting suspense of Lorelai and Luke's relationship, I thought I'd put that up for Gilmore Girl fans out there.

Wait For Love

2007-05-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

It's like a quarter to three and I just can't sleep
'Cause I'm thinking of you
And all those times we cried
Did we really try?
Now I'm dreaming in blue

No matter where we say goodbye
I tell you baby
Keep your head high

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?
When times are hard
I think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

And looking in my eyes
We're both telling lies
Asking too much of you
And when you kiss my lips
That is what I miss
Not knowing we be through

No matter when we say goodbye
I tell you darling
I won't cry

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?
When times are hard
I think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

Your eyes still gaze at me through pictures
You could just be the one that gotta wait
I look down at the phone
It's your number
Too many times a day

I'll wait for love
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait, will you?
When times are hard
I think of you
I'll wait for love
I'll wait for love

-Matt White-

This isn't for any particular person. I'm just in one of those moods today. So I'm just putting this out in the universe, to whoever's out there.

Wait for love.

I'll wait, will you?

Bad mood

2007-05-02T23:28:00.000-07:00

OMG I WANNA KILL MY NEIGHBOUR!

My neighbour has been playing the same damn freakin' song over and over again the whole fucking day and I'm close to breaking point.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

It's like these people don't have exams or something! Don't they have to fucking revise their damn work?! At the very least, if they don't wanna study, at least keep their freakin' stereo down!

In a fucking bad mood now.

Envious

2007-04-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

Revision sucks.

I HATE STUDYING.

Especially in a hall full of people who are busy spending the warm sunny spring/summer days playing frisbee/dipping their feet in the lake/cycling in the park/sunbathing next to the lake/playing their blasted music on full volume etc.

ARGH!!!

I hate studying when the weather's so gorgeous. Bloody hell!

Anyways, Newark formal tomorrow. I figured I'd go for it, cos otherwise I'd just be eating some crappy dinner (aka overcooked pasta with orangey cheese) alone in my own room. The added benefit of dressing up makes it all the more fun! Haha!

Ok, I better get back to work. Sigh. TONS to do.

2007-04-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back in my tiny mousehole of a room in Nottingham.

13 hours in a metal structure hovering 25,000 feet over nothing, followed by 3 hours on a noisy, stuffy coach is TORTURE.

Anyways, it's back to school. Didn't manage to get much studying done today. Sigh. Only did abit. Must buck up! Plus, I'm moping around cos I MISS HOME ALOT. It's not a crime. I MISS HOME. I MISS EVERYONE BACK HOME. Sigh.

I've put in a new song in the player on the sidebar. It's called The Candy Man by Sammy Davis Jr. Great upbeat oldies song. Haha! I heard it on one episode of Gilmore Girls and I just fell in love with it. LOL. Listen to it, it's very cute.

Just a few quotes from Episode 1 of Season 4 of Gilmore Girls that are VERY applicable to me right now.

"Listen, since we slept on the plane, we should go to sleep now but get up really early tomorrow. We don't wanna blow this whole week being jetlagged. We need to establish normal sleeping patterns."

"God, Mr. Jet-Lag wants to be my best friend."

"Ok, my jetlag and your love life is making me dizzy." (Haha, this one is especially funny and very true. If u're reading this, u know this applies to u. U know who u are! Haha!)

Ok, I'm gonna go finish up my tutorial now. Tata!

Leaving again

2007-04-22T02:19:00.000-07:00

In a blink of an eye, it's back to college for me again.

SIGH.

So tiresome, having to pack up again and leave. Really wish I didn't have to go back again.

Add the whole Virginia Tech shooting incident to my worries, and there u have it, the worse headache in the world.

Plus I haven't exactly done much perfect studying during the holidays, so I have to bloody focus on my revision once I'm back in Nottingham.

But on the other hand, it'll only be 2 more months and then it'll be back home again. Yay!

My family's so nice to me that I feel so sad to have to leave. My aunt held a steamboat dinner specially for me before I went back. Man, I was so stuffed! And my dear brother had this little dangly toy thing on his cellphone, and I mentioned that I really liked it. And when I left my room for awhile, I came back and when I opened my little carry-on pouch, I found the cute little toy inside. Made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Made me kinda weepy too. Sigh.

Ok, better go now. Gotta finish my darned packing. Gonna go keep my mom company as she's watching her silly Korean drama. :)

See u guys back in Nottingham!

Gilmore Girls

2007-04-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

I love The Gilmore Girls.

Especially the very yummy Jared Padalecki, who plays Rory's boyfriend Dean Forester in the first 3 seasons, and the also equally delectable, but decidedly more hot Milo Ventimiglia, who plays the emo, loner who goes from girl to girl, until he meets Rory and wins her heart, causing her to break up with Dean.

Man, oh, man, am I hooked on this show.

I wish my life could be like Rory's. She's smart, goes to Yale, has guys falling head over heels in love with her, AND her mom Lorelai, played by Lauren Graham is so cool. But of course, Rory, played by Alexis Bledel, is so pretty and clever. Therefore, no one else can be like her.

Ok, back to work for me.

Gifts and Curses

2007-04-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

Gifts and Curses is a fantastic song. Gives me the chills when I hear it. It's the only song I've been listening to the past 2 days.

I think it's such a romantic song. Well, partly cos Spiderman is my favourite superhero and because Tobey Maguire makes a fabulous Spiderman.

But mostly, it's cos the lyrics are so damn amazing. Especially the chorus.

I see your face with every punch I take

And every bone I break

It's all for you

And my worst pains are words I cannot say

Still I will always fight on for you

It's like the ultimate sacrifice. U love someone so much with all ur heart and soul, that any pain u suffer is all worth it. And I suppose this song was written specially for the Spiderman 2 soundtrack, cos the lyrics are so fitting. And the line, "And my worst pains are words I cannot say.", it's like the internal torture tearing a person up inside when they love someone, but can't say it to that person because that other person's in love with someone else, or because if they admit they love that person, they would get shot down.

To me, that's the worse kind of pain. Worse than the physical kind. Especially when the love isn't reciprocated.

Sigh. I'm in one of my moody, broody rubbish moods again. Urgh.

Why?! Why me?!

Music and lyrics

2007-04-05T00:29:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to these 2 songs on the loop repeatedly, cos they're so very very beautiful. First is Yellowcard's Gifts and Curses, from the Spiderman 2 soundtrack (The Spiderman soundtracks are always full of great songs.), and then Hedley's Trip (Thanks, Ed, for the song.). I'll try to put up those song thingies, but something's wrong with that website now, so just the lyrics will have to do for now. Think of them as poems. Being the hopeless romantic I am, it goes without saying that these lyrics made me feel bittersweet emotions whenever I hear the songs. Those of u who know the songs, sing along. Oh, joy! The players are up and running again! Lucky! :)

Mary belongs to the words of a song
I try to be strong for her
Try not to be wrong for her
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore
Why did I say all those things before
I was sure

(She is the one), but I have a purpose
(She is the one), and I have to fight this
(She is the one), the villian I can't knock down

I see your face with every punch I take
And every bone I break
It's all for you
And my worst pains are words I cannot say
Still I will always fight on for you

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky
The city lights shine for her
Above them I cry for her
Everything's small on the ground below, down below
What if I fall, then where would I go
Would she know

(She is the one), all that I wanted
(She is the one), and I will be haunted
(She is the one), this gift is my curse for now

I see your face with every punch I take
And every bone I break
It's all for you
And my worst pains are words I cannot say
Still I will always fight on for you

I see your face with every punch I take

And every bone I break

It's all for you

And my worst pains are words I cannot say

Still I will always fight on for you

Fight on for you
Fight on for you

-Yellowcard-

Tell me how beautiful these lyrics are. Yellowcard is cool. And the violin totally makes their songs sound even better and more unique.

Some say love is not for sinners
I believe that isn't true
Cause when I was finished sinning
Love came down and showed me you

And you told me how to get there
So I tried to find a way
Then I ran into your garden
But I tripped out the gate
I tripped out the gate

What are you doing to me
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you

Like a ton of bricks it hit me
And woke me from this dream
No matter how hard I tried to wash my hands
I could never get 'em clean
I could never get 'em clean

What are you doing to me
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you

Can you hear me
Cause I can't change what I'll always be

What are you doing to me
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing that I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you

I'm so into you
Cause I'm so into you
I'm so into you

-Hedley-

Another great song. Sorry, I couldn't find the song player. Pity. :(

Songwriters are so talented. They know exactly how to express their feelings in a few simple words, and pair them with melodious chords, and boom, another fabulous hit. It's so sad that so many great bands (mostly American. Can't really name any. The only one that comes to mind right now is The Perishers. I only knew of them when I watched One Tree Hill.) are so overshadowed by the likes of Akon, 50 Cent et cetera, thanks to the teenybopper fanatics out there who worship singers who aren't that talented to begin with. It's not that I don't like that kind of music. It's just that it irks me that really good music isn't played on the radio. I mean, look at Avril Lavigne. I used to think she was different from the other airheaded bimbos in the entertainment world. At least her songs and the image she portrayed was unique. But look at her latest single, Girlfriend.

'Nuff said.

I say bring out the great musicians and throw the teenyboppers out!

Of course that ain't gonna happen. Sigh. Mostly because most of the world is completely brainwashed. Power of media, huh?

Angry

2007-04-02T16:45:00.000-07:00

I know I have a backlog of photos that I promised I'd upload. I assure everyone, u WILL see them in the near future.

However, for now, I just don't feel like doing that.

Maybe it's PMS or something. Sigh.

I see happy people all around me. Happy people with smiley faces that makes me fuming mad and gives me that sudden irrepressible urge to want to break something. These people are happy cos they have someone. Whereas I have no one.

It's not that I'm unhappy per se. I am happy. (Well, not very, because my hair sucks, thanks to the bloody hairdresser who chopped my hair into a tangled, unrecognisable bush, and cos I'm growing fatter and fatter day by day, and my appetite is also increasing.) But it would be so very nice to have someone there that I can talk to. (Mei, if u're reading this, u're a someone, but sorry, in this case, u don't count. I'm sure u understand.)

Everyone who's attached or in love or infatuated with someone now tells me why do I want to put myself through the torture of feeling the pain and heartache. It takes all my energy and willpower to nod and smile, and not bonk them on the head (cue daydream of me dressed in prehistoric clothes (aka The Flintstones), holding a spiked club, and thumping the other fella into the dust.). It's like they're snidely telling u, "HAHA, I HAVE SOMEONE BUT U DON'T!", but it's obviously not very nice to say that, so they just say in that irritating, all-knowing tone, "It's alright. U know, relationships aren't all about fun, u know. U have all the fighting and jealousy and crap, u know.".

BLOODY HELL! I KNOW THAT. Not like I'm a complete idiot.

But u see, I WANT ALL THAT. I'm not deluded enough to think that a relationship is sugar and spice and everything nice. There's bound to be some rough waters to sail through. I KNOW THAT, THANK U VERY MUCH. But despite that, I STILL BLOODY WANT IT.

ARGH. I'm in one of my moods. Fuck it. I'm going to do some work now. Ta.

Homecoming

2007-03-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

So sorry for the lack of updates!

Well, as some of u may already know, I'm coming home soon! Since I probably won't update for another considerable amount of time, let me leave u with just a couple of photos of my past 3 weeks' events.

First up, photos from the Malaysian Society's Crimson Party at Snug Bar.

Wilson, Siok Kin and me.

Me and Howard.

Me and Jonny.

Ryan, some guy and Vincent.

Me, Cindy and Howie.

Me and Kean (he looks drunk.).

Vincent and me. (Seriously, who is that guy?!)

The boys.

Sophia, me and the guys (or gays? haha.).

Next, Evien's and Cindy's birthday party at Oceana. I was actually Evien's guest, since I know her much better than Cindy, but Evien got drunk at her pre-clubbing party at Raleigh Park so she wasn't allowed into Oceana. So funny! Ended up partying with Cindy. Anyways, they booked the Parisian Boudoir (one of the VIP rooms), which is really nice and intimate. Ok, photos first.

Me and Howard.

Chantelle and me.

Jonny and Chantelle.

Cutie pie Howie!

Jonny, me and Philip.

Me and the birthday girl (Cindy).

Just a few things

2007-03-01T20:33:00.000-08:00

I actually have quite some pictures to post up for u guys, but I'm so busy at the moment, I guess that has to wait. Sorry!

Just a few things to update about.

Friends, the usual scenario. But I really can't be bothered about the whole thing anymore. Not that I've given up. I just simply don't give a flying fuck anymore. I just go about my own way and do my own thing. Makes things so much simpler.

Work is hell. I have a ton to do and it doesn't help that everything's really hard. Sigh. (Like right now, I have my Law tutorial to prepare for tomorrow. And here I am.)

Moving along. Malaysian Society Crimson Asian party last night at Snug. One word: BORING. The party was so crap. MSS has better parties. Hehe!

Ok, I better go now. Deal with my stupid tutorial and then go to bed. I'm so tired from last night. Yawn. :(

Oh yes, one more thing.

3 WEEKS BABY!!!

3 WEEKS!!!

My prezzies

2007-02-21T04:49:00.000-08:00

I AM SICK.

Must be all that fun the past few days. Sigh.

Hate being sick. :(

Pleghmy cough, pounding head, hot and cold spells. URGH.

Add all that to the work I have to do, plus the worry I keep feeling about my studies and the fact that the people I thought were my friends are now ostracizing me. But whatever. I've got other friends.

Anyways, thought I'd post some pictures up.

Aren't these pumps retro? Woody gave them to me as a birthday present. So sweet right! (And all because I joked that he should get me a new pair of shoes. On Friday night, when we were in the cab going to Ryan's gig, Woody accidentally stepped on my red sparkly shoes, and I joked that he should get me a new pair. LOL.)

Ryan's present. This ducky is so cute! U put it on water and it lights up and changes colour. So cute!

Well, nothing else to report. I'm tired, so tata!

Best weekend

2007-02-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I am officially 19. Well, already for more than 24 hours, but the novelty hasn't worn of yet.

I've had a couple of downers this weekend, and a few uplifters. Well, I've really learnt who my true friends really are.

Oh wells.

Anyways, lots of photos from clubbing at Geisha at the MSS Valentine's Day party, Ryan's band gig at Waterfront Pub and finally a couple pics from the chill out session on my birthday!

Tsolmon and Jee-Sang.

Ah Hang, me and Tsolmon.

Me, Tsolmon, William.

Me and William.

Peter, me and Joseph.

Ernest, Kelvin and William.

Me and Jon.

From this point onwards, I don't remember things very clearly anymore. :)

Holly and Howard.

Holly and I.

Howard, Holly and I.

Jee-Sang, Howard, Holly, me and William.

Me and Howie!

Kean and me. (Poor guy. The usual heartache, hence the long face.)

Me and the girls again.

Me, Geoffrey and Vincent.

Group shot 1!

Group shot 2!

Me and Ruperta.

Ryan doin' his thang!

Me and Oh.

Me and Chilo.

Me, Zijing and Cathleen.

Me and Rik.

Ryan, Woody, Rik, Oh and me.

Vivian, Ryan, Woody, Oh and Rik.

The band that came after Ryan's. They were pretty good.

Me and John.

After that, we went back to Newark, where we went to disturb Shawn and he ended up freaking me out with his magic tricks. I know it's some optical illusion thing or something, but it totally defys everything I know, so it freaks the shit out of me. Went back to my room absolutely exhausted. Just when I had finished my shower and everything, my friends suddenly surprised me with 2 tubs of Ben & Jerry's ice cream (my favourite Cookie Dough and Phish Food!) and a birthday card. Eline and Sophy got me a box of chocolates from Thorntons and a yellow scarf and glove set from Dorothy Perkins.

Anyways, on my birthday, didn't do much. Got some homework out of the way. Wanted to go to the Thai restaurant in the city for my birthday celebration (which I had been planning since last week), but as it turned out, the number of people who said they were gonna go at first slowly started dwindling down, and not for any good reason (Is "I'm too lazy to go out" a good reason to suddenly ditch people? I THINK NOT!) In the end, we (Ryan, Pat , Chilo and me) just called Thai takeout and chilled out in Newark. I think I had more fun with them than if we had gone with the initial bunch of people.

Pat and Ryan.

From left to right, the medic, the diva and the ninja. (LOL. Sorry, private joke.)

Well, that's about it, I guess. Got a ton of reading to do, but I don't feel like doing anything. After the hype of my birthday, I just don't feel in the mood to get back into things. ARGH. Oh wells. There'll be another pearty soon. Next is Newark Spring formal.

The real world

2007-02-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

Something struck me as very important, especially today.

If any of u caught the latest episode of One Tree Hill, it was something that Bevin said to Rachel in the girls' bathroom when they were doing the class assignment.

"I know people think I'm stupid, but I'm not dumb. I just let u and the other girls have their way because that's how u need it to be. But I think Carl's (the teacher) right. Pretty soon we're all gonna graduate and I can start over. But it'll be harder for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. People who use high school to build themselves up, and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who u were in high school. People like u."

Yeah, that's right. I mean, right now, at this very moment, I can literally count on one hand, the number of real friends who I care for and who I know truly care for me. And not one of my so called "friends" here even made the cut.

I've been going around all day feeling that I don't belong. Sometimes I think friends are truly overrated. They only want u there when they want something in return. They take advantage of u, take u for granted. When things are sunny for them, they look for other friends, other people that they wanna hang out with. But when they're down in the dirt, they come scrabbling back to u, hoping that they were still wonderful and a bloody hero in ur eyes.

I've had enough. People around me say, oh look, she's so independent, always going around by herself. Now that's brave. What, u think I like being alone all the time? U think it's immense fun to sit alone all by urself? It isn't by choice that I'm alone. Yeah, it's great that I can stand on my own two feet, that I can take care of myself. But I'm still a human being with feelings. And sometimes it really gets unbearable. And what's worse, is to be around these "friends" and be totally ignored. Do u know how sickening that is, to see them laughing and joking around, but they just leave u out of everything?

The two of them call me their friend. But they're going to dinner together on Thursday and they didn't even have the general courtesy to invite me. I'm not saying that they need to invite me everywhere they go, but they call me their friend. Do friends do that to one another? And one of them, says I'm one of her closest friends. And yet she breaks a promise to me. Sure, it's a small promise, but still, a promise is a promise. What does that tell me? This ain't no true friendship!

But u see? These are the people who are gonna go out into the real world and have to face the harsh reality that no one is gonna freakin' worship the ground on which they walk! It's a matter of mutual respect between people out there. U break a promise to someone, it's remembered for life, even if it involves the smallest matter. U screw something up, someone's gonna hold it over ur head forever. It doesn't matter how wonderful ur social life was in high school or college. No one out there will give a damn. All that matters is what kind of a person u are during that time. And I think I can safely say, that once university is over, I probably won't even want to bother keeping in touch with these people.

New blogskin!

2007-02-12T23:44:00.000-08:00

As u can see, I've changed my blogskin!

I know, people have been saying my past one is utterly boring and plain. So after a very, very, VERY long time, I decided, what the hell, I'll change it!

It took me ages to find the perfect blogskin and this is it! I just love the photos of the couple. It's very bittersweet for me, because I (big shock to everyone) have no boyfriend, and I'm looking for The One, the commitment of a relationship, and when I look at those photos, I just want have what that picture conveys to me: the love and committment that the couple share.

Ok. I'm just becoming fidgety cos it's 2 days to St. Valentine's Day. :(

I hate my week. So fucking busy.

Went for MSS thing just now. They screened Army Daze, which is just hilarious. Nothing like a good, really old Singapore film to fill everyone with nostalgia, especially the Singaporean boys who went through that rite of passage we all call NS in their adolescent years. Haha! The venue was at Hugh Stewart Hall Library, which is the most beautiful hall in the university. At least that's what I think. The building looks old and there's ivy creeping along the stone walls and it just feels like it has so many stories it could tell. It just feels like a real university.

Ok, I better get back to my work. Long day tomorrow. ARGH!

2007-02-11T15:06:00.000-08:00

And so the countdown continues.

I'm so bored. Argh. Got a ton of work to do. Sigh.

Dyed my hair yesterday. But now it looks kinda yucks. URGH. Stupid.

Ok, I have absolutely nothing to blog about, so bye.

Logical reasons

2007-02-07T01:06:00.000-08:00

Just watched A Beautiful Mind, starring Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly. I know I've watched it before, but it's just one of those movies that never get old. Just gets better each time I watch it.

My favourite quote from the movie is the last part, where John Nash receives the Nobel Peace Award and he stands on stage giving his speech and talks directly to his wife Alicia sitting in the audience.

"It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you. You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons."

So romantic. Sigh.

Where the fuck is my equation? ARGH!

I found out my friends all got higher bloody grades than me. Fucking unfair. Sigh. Ok, I won't go down that road again.

I haven't studied more than half an hour today. Bloody feel like killing myself. :(

Bloody unfair

2007-02-06T02:35:00.000-08:00

There's a vintage fashion show tomorrow at Kudos. Should I go? But that means I'll have to dress up, which I really can't be bothered to do these days. Damn those bloody blisters! It's freakin' cold and dry these days, so the wounds keep cracking open again. ARGH!

Anyways, got my results back today. Not very happy with them. I only got 2 first class grades and the rest are only 2:2s. Damn annoyed. It makes me even more pissed off when I heard the grades my "friend" got. Apparently she did really well, but what makes me annoyed is that she hardly studied for the exams and she played all the way up till one week before the exams. It really pisses me off when I have to work so hard, only to be handed a mediocre transcript, whilst other people enjoy life and play all the time, and only work at the last minute, and get fantastic results. It's bloody unfair, I tell u.

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE.

Oh wells. I guess I really have to buck up this time. No way am I gonna have lousy grades this semester. NO WAY! Gonna study my ass off, more than last semester. I don't care, even if I get an aneursym. MUST STUDY! 3 hours a day, everyday, outside of school.

I feel like crying just thinking about it and looking at my transcript again. :(

Aww, I miss home so much. No one to bitch to about my "friends". At least back in those good ol' KC days, I could turn to my best friend and complain about anything under the sky. I feel so alienated. Like I'm stuck in some unknown void. I don't belong to the world here in the UK, but neither do I belong to the warm and sunny world of Singapore. I hardly know what's going on back home with my friends, unless updated by some of my friends. But MSN is so unreliable, and it's such a bloody hassle to type. So tiring. Sigh. And over here, I feel like I'm surrounded by inane goofs. I'm amongst the youngest here, but yet I feel so much older than all the rest of them.

Thinking about Valentine's Day now. Oh my God, down that everlasting spiral I go again. URGH. 9 bloody days to seeing lovey-dovey idiotic couples walking around.

I swear to God, do not piss me off as we get closer to the most commercialised, depressing time of year.

I feel like screaming and tearing my hair out. :(

But before I do, here are 2 songs that I love. Of course, they're from One Tree Hill (where else would u look for the best music choices?). Both are sung by Michelle Featherstone. The first one is God Bless The Child, which is rather sad. It played in episode 16 of Season 3, with the school shooting. Very touching song.

The second one is Coffee and Cigarettes. Nothing special about this one, but I just like it. :)

No way

2007-02-02T17:23:00.000-08:00

In the blink of an eye, it's February again.

I remember what I was doing around this time last year. Time seems to pass so quickly. Sigh.

In 15 days, I'll be 19. Another year older. I feel torn. On the one hand, I wanna grow older, cos that means freedom, being treated like an adult and fulfilling my dreams. But on the other hand, I wanna stay young always, cos that means I don't have to worry about jobs and money and everything that worries u when u're an adult. How contradictory.

But then, 48 more days till sunny Singapore! I know everyone thinks I'm crazy that I keep count, but seriously, unless u've experienced living away from home in a God-awful cold, dreary, rainy country and u don't get to see or hear from ur family and friends on a daily basis, keep ur comments to urself.

I'm writing rubbish again.

Sometimes I feel I might as well be invisible. Ah, I'm not gonna complain about that already. Too damn tired. Thank God it's Friday, right?

Sigh. I've lost the mood to blog anymore.

I'm not gonna let u ruin things for me all over again. Not the confidence and esteem I've worked so hard to build up and maintain all this time. NO WAY.

Night on the town

2007-01-30T23:24:00.000-08:00

Remember this: NEVER, EVER wear brand new heels that haven't been worn in when going clubbing.

I did exactly that, and now I have 4 huge blisters to show for a crazy night of fun. 2 of them were so bad they actually burst and were bleeding when I got back. :(

Monday was Newark's after exam party. There was a karaoke thing in Newark's hall bar, where if you sang with your friends, you could get free tickets to Oceana, which is one of the best clubs in Nottingham. So my friends and I decided to give it a go.

Ryan singing Queen's "We are the Champions".

That's the only photo I got, cos everyone else didn't wanna take pictures. :(

Anyways, as it turned out, there were only limited tickets to Oceana, so only a couple of us got tickets. So we decided to ditch Oceana and hit another club.

At first, everyone wanted to go to Geisha and so we all piled into the taxis and went to Lace Market (that's where all the clubs are), where we promptly discovered that everywhere was closed! We had to troop all the way back to Broadmarsh, and decided to go to Ocean. Great place to party. I love the huge dancefloor!

Everyone congregating on the street, trying to decide where to go.

Thai girl Oh and me, as we made our way to Ocean.

Random shot in the middle of the street.

(From left to right: Khalib from Oman, some guy I don't know, Rik from Manchester, Jokha from Oman, Sanah from Kashmir, Oh, Sophia from Hong Kong and some guy I don't know. Think his name's Alan.)

Me and Sanah.

Oh and Woody.

After we got in to Ocean, everything went crazy! It was packed so we kept losing people. Haha!

Khalib, Oh, Rukshan and some guy.

On the dancefloor.

The view from the second floor. Look at the masses of people!

Woody and Jon.

Sanah, me and Oh.

Oh and moi.

Me and Jon.

Tsolmon and her friend.

Subha, me and Rukshan.

King of the world!

Tsolmon, Ryan, Rik and me.

The guys.

Crazy people. :)

This just looks wrong on so many levels.

As does this.

Look at us, not the couple making out at the back.

Rrright.

Subha and Rukshan.

Man, Rik looks so drunk!

Rukshan. Gone already.

Ryan doing the Melbourne Shuffle. LOL.

Back at Newark, we all congregated in the foyer. I think we made ALOT of noise. Oopsie!

Ryan and Chillo.

Lectures have started this week, but there's nothing much yet. Only the first week, so things are still pretty slow. I'm taking it slow this week too. Just lazing around. I think I deserve a break after the exams yeah? Hahaha!

Anyways, I'm sleepy now, so tata!

Birmingham day trip

2007-01-29T00:46:00.000-08:00

Back from Birmingham!

Boy, am I exhausted! Sigh. But yet here I am, writing this post faithfully. :)

Pictures of today's trip. Only a few, cos once we started shopping, my camera was all forgotten.

The train ride there, we were all a little nuts. I think it's the post-exam stress. :) We were like the noisiest bunch in our carriage. Haha.

William. (His leather jacket is so nice!)

Me and Sophy. We were so tired, we slept the whole way from Leicester to Birmingham.

Willliam and Woody.

After that, went for lunch at this Chinese buffet restaurant. It was pretty good, only 5 pounds per person. Much cheaper than in Nottingham. After that we went towards the Bullring Shopping Centre. There was this really beautiful church as we walked down the slope, so I snapped a few pictures of it.

There was this weird looking structure (which is an extention of the shopping centre) next to the church which reminded me of Singapore's Esplanade, except that our durian-shaped architecture looks more aesthetically pleasant than this building.

I bought a cropped pants from Topshop, which was on sale. Got it for a freakin' steal! Only 5 pounds! Also bought black cropped leggings from Topshop as well. Ooh, and I bought a huge box of KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS from Selfridges!!! I love Krispy Kreme dougnuts! Yummy! Well, all in all, today was a pretty good trip.

The only sour note was at the end of the day. My friend and her boyfriend started fighting, as we made our way back to the train station, over the most silly thing ever. Doughnuts. Apparently someone forgot to buy a box for the other person, and God knows how, but a huge argument ensued. So stupid. This is one of the few reasons why I'm glad I'm single. I wouldn't stand that kinda shit from my boyfriend.

The train back to Nottingham was freakin' full, so we had to stand for almost one whole hour before we changed to another carriage and got seats there, where we then promptly fell asleep.

So, yeah, that's my day! And I'm so tired and my muscles are all aching, so I'm gonna say goodnight and more tomorrow! :)

My favourite topic!

2007-01-28T00:02:00.000-08:00

Today's post is gonna be all about my favourite topic.

FASHION!!!

Shopping, clothes, shoes (especially shoes), bags, jewellery, u name it!

Pictures of my very successful (and guilt-ridden!) shopping trip out on the town with Eline today!

A wooden necklace I got for free from buying a magazine. (Hehe. I'm a cheapskate.)

MY MANGO BAG!!! (Isn't it gorgeous? Sigh.) (I know I said pictures from today, but this is a special one. Haha.)

Red sparkly pumps from Zara! (I've been searching high and low for shoes exactly like these and today I FOUND THEM! And for half-price, no less!)

Light blue velour jacket. (70% sale! A-woo-hoo!)

Silky formal dress from Jane Norman. (So nice right? It's gonna be for my Spring formal.)\

Black satin peep-toe chunky heels from Primark. (Another pair of shoes I had been lusting after for ages!)

Oh man, I feel all the exam stress from the past 3 weeks just sliding away from me. Unfortunately, that means my debit card is still smoking away in my purse.

But then look at the shoes! I mean, can u imagine how absolutely amazing and gratifying it is to find 2 PAIRS of shoes that u've always wanted in the SAME DAY?! Like the red pumps? I've been searching for those ever since I saw a clip of What I Like About You (it's an American sitcom, starring Amanda Bynes, Allison Munn and Jennie Garth.), in which Amanda Bynes was wearing this pair of cute sparkly red pumps. And the black heels? I've been searching for those since I first saw (I saw it twice in the cinema.) The Devil Wears Prada (Seriously, if u don't know this movie, u must have been living under a rock.) when I went back to dear ol' Singapore (54 days more, by the way!) in August, and near the ending, in Paris, when Andy Saks (Anne Hathaway) was dressed in that green dress and black cape and those black chunky heels. Ok, those I bought were peep-toe, but it was close enough, since they have chunky heels. And they were only 6 pounds! Compared to Topshop's exact same pair at the unbelievable price of 25 pounds, it was a freakin' steal!

That dress was a little pricey, but compared to it's original price (65 pounds), I think it was pretty worth it. And it's a little over the top, but heck. I thought it looks very Paris Hilton.

Sorry, I had to take a photo of the magazine where I saw the picture of Paris. Couldn't find the picture on the Internet, so this was the next best thing. Sorry.

After shopping today, we went to have dinner at Siam Thai, the same Thai restaurant we went to the last time. Had a set meal of green chicken curry, sweet and sour pork and fried salmon with chilli sauce. Man, it was bloody cold when we left. Wind was blowing like crazy and both of us were literally shivering as we made our way to the bus stop.

So all in all, it was a BLOODY GREAT DAY!!! Going to Birmingham early tomorrow morning with the gang, so I better go get ready for bed now.

Ooh, Oceana on Monday! Can't wait!

7 scary letters

2007-01-26T19:04:00.000-08:00

YES!

FINALLY THE DREADED EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

Man, I feel like a burden has been lifted off me. Feels so good to just sit and relax and not have to worry about the exams.

Unfortunately, now a new worry has formed. 7 scary letters.

R-E-S-U-L-T-S.

School starts next week. I just saw my timetable. I have class everyday. Ugh.

Going shopping tomorrow. Yay! And then on Sunday, I'm gonna go to Birmingham with my friends. If it were USA, I would say "Road trip!", but unfortunately, instead of sunny California (or Los Angeles or Miami) or the Big Apple, I'm here in dreary, wet, rainy, disgusting Nottingham, UK. Bah.

I'm gonna go watch a movie now. Tata!

Goodbye My Lover

2007-01-25T20:26:00.000-08:00

Did I disappoint you, or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty, or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun

Yes, I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won

So I took what's mine by eternal right

Took your soul out into the night

It may be over, but it won't stop there

I am here for you, if you'd only care

You touched my heart

You touched my soul

You changed my life and all my goals

And love is blind and that I knew when

My heart was blinded by you

I've kissed your lips and held your head

Shared your dreams and shared your bed

I know you well

I know your smell

I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

You have been the one

You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer but when I wake

You can't break my spirit

It's my dreams you take

And as you move on, remember me

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile

I've watched you sleeping for a while

I'd be the father of your child

I'd spend a lifetime with you

I know your fears and you know mine

We've had our doubts but now we're fine

And I love you, I swear that's true

I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

You have been the one

You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine

In mine when I'm asleep

And I will bear my soul in time

When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover

Goodbye my friend

You have been the one

You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I'm so hollow, baby

I'm so hollow

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

I'm so hollow, baby
I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

-James Blunt-

The lyrics to this song are just so beautiful, u can't help but to tear up a little. I know, so dramatic right? But it's true. I love this song. I know it's a pretty old song (I'm not very up to date with the music scene back home. I just hear songs from various TV shows or movies and if I like them, then I'll download them.), but who cares?

Anyways, Give it a listen on the music thingie I've put up.

It's such a haunting song. Gives me the chills (not scary ones, pleasant ones) whenever I listen to it. I love the piano in it. So beautiful. And the lyrics, gosh. Wow. I wish I could have a relationship that speaks of such passion and intensity. (If u watch the music video for this song, u'll understand. It has Mischa Barton in it, so if the song doesn't speak to u (which u have to be some kind of stone to not feel anything when u hear this song), watch it for the steamy action between the hot and sexy Mischa and some guy.) Here I am, almost 19, and I've never even had a serious boyfriend, much less a serious relationship of that kind of caliber.

Here I go again. But then can u blame me? Left and right, all my single friends are coupling up, falling in love one after the other. And I'm left bloody hell ALONE.

God must hate me. (Cue Simple Plan's "God Must Hate Me".)

Ok, enough crap. Last paper tomorrow. So I just have to push through for another couple hours and after 11am tomorrow, it's PARTY-TIME!!!

And if I don't go shopping after my exam tomorrow, and I'm in a pleasant mood, I may just upload long forgotten (and awaited maybe?) photos. :)

Enter the gift of the gab

2007-01-25T00:13:00.000-08:00

Ugh. All the beautiful white snow has melted and today wasn't cold enough for the dreary rain to become snow.

Last night was fun. With the warm yellow light of the streetlamps shining off the white surface, people running around screaming and laughing, flurries of snow falling down, it gave a really surreal, ethereal feeling. And I think if that had actually happened on Christmas, it would've been the best thing ever.

U ever notice how in movies where the time the story's set in is Christmas time, it starts to snow at exactly the instant the countdown to Christmas Day (meaning midnight on Christmas Eve) ends? Or when a family that couldn't see eye to eye at first talks and sorts out their problems and the minute everyone's happy and understanding of each other, suddenly some random kid (usually not one of the key roles) runs to the window and says, "Look it's snowing!" and then everyone rushes to the window and oohs and aahs. Or when someone just realised that they love someone after they both had a huge fight and he/she runs after the other to proclaim their everlasting love for them and it starts snowing as they kiss. Or like in those movies where someone's trying desperately to come home for Christmas Day to be with their family and go through absolute mayhem just to get home, when they reach home and hug their family, a split second after they say "Merry Christmas, so-and-so. I love u.", snow comes down like magic.

See how I've written so much on absolute crap? It's a fucking gift, I tell u. Haha.

Watched CSI just now. One of my favourite shows. The writers are damn talented. I mean, the amount of ways they can think of to kill someone. And sometimes the way they kill a character is so amazingly simple, but we, as usual TV watchers, always think, "Nah, can't be so easy.", and concoct some innane, twisty-turny plot in our minds.

Anyways, the episode I watched was about this girl, a daughter of a casino owner. The usual rich girl, trying to get attention cos her dad's always too busy to care. So she fakes her own kidnapping, getting into the trunk of her car and tying herself up, stuffing a scarve down her throat, hoping that her father would come to her rescue. But her father, tired of her pranks, thinks it's one of her usual attention-seeking jokes, and ignores her, well, fake, call for help. 3 hours later, she's found stone-cold dead, suffocated to death on the scarve.

So sad right? I mean, to go to that extent to try and get her father's attention? Poor girl. I know this is only fictional, but I can imagine how utterly disappointed and unbelievably scared she must have felt, lying in the darkness of her own car trunk. The last thought that probably went through her mind before she passed out was, "My father doesn't love me. What if I were kidnapped for real? He wouldn't even care enough to pay a lousy sum of money to get me back." So sad.

Anyways.

I HATE LAW.

I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANYTHING ABOUT LAW OF TORT OR CONTRACT LAW OR MISREPRESENTATION EVER AGAIN.

Unfortunately, my conscience doesn't allow me to. So until Friday 9am, I'm gonna have to literally FORCE myself to sit still and read my painstakenly handwritten notes.

And it's back to the law for me.

Best day so far!

2007-01-24T00:38:00.000-08:00

I GOT MY LAPTOP BACK IN WORKING ORDER!!!

I'M SO HAPPY!!!

AND IT'S SNOWING!!! ACTUALLY SNOWING!!! HEAVY SNOW THAT SETTLES!!!

THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME IN A LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG TIME!!!!!

I KNOW IT'S VERY ANNOYING TO READ AN ENTIRE POST WITH CAPITAL LETTERS, BUT IM JUST SO VERY FUCKING HAPPY!!!

And I'll stop now before anyone feels like putting a knife at my throat.

It started snowing around 10pm. My friends and I immediately ran out and we were having snowball fights and running around, screaming like crazy. It was SO fun!!! Best time I've had so far since the Christmas holidays!!!

OH MAN!!! I CAN'T HELP IT!!! I'M SORRY!!! BUT I'M JUST SO EXCITED AND ABSOLUTELY DELIRIOUS WITH JOY!!!

Man, I'm gonna fall sick. It's bloody freezing.

I love my life now. Everything just looks so beautiful when it's covered in snow. :)

If only I could turn back time and the date today could be 25th December all over again. I feel like singing Christmas carols and drinking mulled wine in front of a roaring log fire.

Mmm.

Hair issues

2007-01-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

Law can be interesting. Unfortunately, not when it's studying for a damn exam.

God, I'm dying for a lovely, hot cup of Starbucks caramel machiatto.

Sigh.

I had a horrible dream last night. It felt so damn real, I was totally freaked out. Won't go into too much details, but it was terrible.

Ooh, gonna put up some pictures of celebrity hairstyles that I've picked out. Gonna change my hairstyle when I come back in March

Choice 1. Ashlee Simpson. (I love the waves.)

Choice 2. Sophia Bush.

Choice 3. Danneel Harris.

Choice 4. Ashley Tisdale.

Leave a comment and let me know what u guys think. It's either waves or straight. Not poker straight, cos it makes my head look totally flat.

Anyways, I better get back to my notes. Can't wait to change my hairstyle. As of this moment, my hair looks like a bird nested in it.

Surreal

2007-01-21T16:41:00.000-08:00

Yay!

Finished making notes for my Business Law module. Now all I have left to do is recap my notes and then commit every single darn thing to memory.

Sigh.

So much shit to do. Man, am I tired!

Anyways, my recovery discs are probably halfway across the Atlantic Ocean (or Pacific. I seriously don't know.) now. They should arrive right after my exams, so just nice! So in about, let's say, 2 weeks, I should have my beloved laptop revived again!

Had a weird dream last night. Mmm. Surreal.

Dreams and reality

2007-01-19T14:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a dream that seems so real, when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true, wasn't? And what you thought wasn't true, was? Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding more perfect reality? Sometimes, life is stranger than a dream, and the only way to wake up, is to face what lies hidden in your soul. And you can only hope, that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone.

- Lucas Scott-

The latest episode of One Tree Hill is awesome. The quote above is great. So meaningful.

Oh no. I feel the onset of laziness and procrastination coming on. Fuck. Cannot slack yet! Must study Law! Only 5 days more till the bloody exam.

Can't wait for exams to be over! I've got so many impending invitations to dinner and parties. I hate the long wait. Let's see now.

27th Jan (Saturday) - Dinner with the gang

31st Jan (Wednesday) - MSS post-exam party

13th Feb (Tuesday) - MSS Valentine's Day Party

17th Feb (Saturday) - MY BIRTHDAY!!!

18th Feb (Sunday) - Chinese New Year (I might go to either London or Manchester for this.)

6 Mar (Tuesday) - Newark Spring formal

17 Mar (Saturday) - Jubilee Campus Spring party

Man, oh man, can't freakin' wait! But also, 62 more days till my beautiful sunny Singapore! (I know u think I'm delirious or something, but I don't care! U have no idea how much I miss home!)

Even now, still 2 months more to go, I've already planned what I'm gonna take home and what I'm gonna wear to the airport. (Again, I don't care if u think I'm nuts.)

Ok, I better get back to work. Bloody lawyers are idiots. Can't they use plain, simple English? Crap.

3 down, 2 to go

2007-01-18T23:14:00.000-08:00

Yay! My dreaded Economics exam is well and truly over! Now, all I have to do is pray to God that I get a good mark. Sigh. Please, oh please let me get a good mark.

My exam ended at 6pm, so by the time I got back to Jubilee Campus, dinnertime was over, so I had to eat noodles alone in my room. How glamourous.

Watched the movie Red Eye, starring Rachel McAdams and Brain Cox. Damn good movie. Nice plot. Lots of twists and turns, shocks around every corner.

I'll start studying for my remaining 2 exams tomorrow. I think I deserve one off night.

Well, I'm off now, so more tomorrow! Ta!

(I'm so cheery now even I'm scaring myself.)

Battle scars

2007-01-17T17:10:00.000-08:00

I've survived the battle, and emerged fairly unscathed, except for some minor bruising and aching.

That's right. My financial accounting exam. Bloody fuck. Stupid paper. Hope I get a 2-1 for it, if not a 2-2 at the very least. That's not asking for much, is it?

I'm gonna get some rest before starting studying for my dreaded Economics exam tomorrow.

Sigh. Please, God, let my exam tomorrow not be too difficult.

Ok, back to watching Friends. At least for a little while. :) (Hey I deserve a little break, right?)

64 more days. Feels like forever.

On the other hand, 1 month to my birthday! Yay!

Burn

2007-01-16T20:29:00.000-08:00

Hi all. I'm so tired. Is it possible for someone to burn out in the midst of exams?

Sigh. I think that might be what's happening to me. I've covered as much as I can, yet I feel that there's always something a little bit more that's eluding (Correct? I don't know.) me. Anyways, tomorrow's Financial Accounting. Hope I'm prepared. This bloody paper accounts for 100% of my module, so I have to do bloody well. Argh.

I have a splitting headache too, which makes memorising all the accounting terms and concepts all the more difficult. Fucking annoying.

Anyways, just let everyone know, I've put a new song in the sidebar. It's called Always Love, by Nada Surf. It's awesome. Listen to it. Hope u guys like it.

Tomorrow will mark one more month (or thereabout) till I turn 19. Yay! :)

I think I'll go scream into my pillow for awhile before I look at my notes again. Ciao.

Better days

2007-01-14T17:39:00.000-08:00

Hiya everyone!

I've reviewed my notes for my very first exam tomorrow, Entrepreneurship and Business. I think I'm more or less ready, but somehow I still feel rather anxious and nervous. But much better than the days before.

Everyone's telling me to calm down, even I am telling myself that, but don't know why, I just can't. Sigh. Hope I can calm down enough to have a good night's sleep tonight.

Anyways, I just thought I'd post this video here. It's by The Fratellis, the song's called Chelsea Dagger. I don't know if this song is playing in Singapore yet, but if it's not, u guys will be the first to hear it. It's really cool, brings the 80's back. For me at least.

Well, enjoy!

My sincere thanks

2007-01-12T16:40:00.000-08:00

A wise man once told me, even if u don't perform well on paper, it doesn't mean u're a failure. If they put u on a project and u produce results there, it's fine.

That wise man is none other than my friend, whose name I shall not reveal out of respect for his privacy.

Thanks man.

Also wanna say thanks to Ed. U've been there for me no matter what, and u never question, u just listen. U don't judge, and I thank u for that.

Of course, thanks to Mei Ying. U've been a great support, always comforting me. U know me better than most, that's why u're my best friend. Thank u girl!

As u can tell, I have nothing else interesting to write. So I'm gonna go now. Ciao.

Further down it goes

2007-01-11T22:15:00.000-08:00

Actually living without a computer isn't all that bad. It really helps, so I can fully concentrate on my work. Well, better than having a computer in front of me all the time, at the very least.

3 more days to the exams.
2 weeks of exams.
7 weeks and 3 days of lectures and tutorials.
70 more days till home sweet home.

Need I say how much I miss home?

U would think that I would be more concerned about exams and all that right? Well, u're partially right. I am very concerned about my exams, because I need these grades for internship and most well-known companies look for at least a 2:1, which is 60-69%.

I got back my CIB results. Bloody hell only got 57%. Annoying. But heck, it's IT.

The thing that really got me down today was my Economics coursework grade. Granted, it only accounts for 25% of the whole module, but still. I only got a 59%, just missing the 2:1 I so badly need. I've calculated, to get at least a 2:1 for the module, I need to get at least a 67 on the other section, which is multiple choice. And for Economics, MCQ is pretty tough. Plus, they do negative marking! So I can't actually do what I usually did in the past, which is guess.

ARGH!!!

To make matters worse, my friends all got really good grades for Economics, like 75 and 81. That's a first class honours! Bloody hell. I was so jealous and disappointed, I nearly broke down in the middle of the Business School North Building. Sigh. I really need to buck up.

Countdown continues

2007-01-09T10:59:00.000-08:00

I HATE NOT HAVING MY COMPUTER.

I'm back in Newark Hall. Bleagh. Feel so lonely. Have u ever felt that even when u're surrounded by people, u still feel alone? Cos that's exactly how I feel. I can't wait to go home to dear old Singapore, where I have people I'm comfortable with. Only another 72 more days. The countdown continues.

It's 5 more days to exams and I'm getting more jittery by the day. I really don't wanna disappoint my parents by getting lousy grades, especially for the first set of exams. Man, it's really stressful. I'm so scared.

I think I'm gonna apply for the Student Exchange programme at NUS and University of New South Wales. Trouble is, I have to find compatible modules for the semester I'm gonna choose to study abroad, which is a terrible pain in the ass.

Should I or not? I mean, doing this whole exchange thing means that I'm gonna have to start anew for awhile all over again, and then coming back to Nottingham after a couple months later than my friends means that I'll be sort of alienated from them (U know how people are.). As u can see, I've chosen NUS too, because I miss home so much, and like my dad said, it would be good for me to experience studying in a Singapore university after studying in the UK for 2 years already. Plus, I'd be saving on other expenses, like accommodation, travelling and food.

Ok, I better run now. Gonna go do some work now. I'm supposed to post my New Year's resolutions. But not now. So till next time, tata!

Holiday Happenings

2007-01-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! I know it's been a really long time since I last updated and I'm very sorry for that.

Well, as some of u may know, I'm currently in London for the holidays. Not quite living it up as u all may think. Exams are less than 2 weeks from now and I'm still only two-thirds through my revision. Still shitloads more to do.

Well! Where to start first? Ok. I stayed about half a week in William's friend's room. Did absolutely nothing there. Oh and my computer decided to die too! Just the day before I left Nottingham for London.

I left on the 21st, leaving a fog-shrouded, bollocks-freezing Nottingham behind. On towards good ol' London!

The 3 hour bus ride was pretty uneventful, unless u count this huge guy who got on at Milton Keynes and plonked himself right next to me. Boy, that guy was dirty! His jeans had grass stains and there was this weird smell emanating from him. My imagination ran wild, ranging from him being a serial killer to a more than ordinary construction worker.

Got off at Victoria coach station where I was incredibly glad to stretch my cramped legs. People are awfully nice when it's Christmas time. Well, it also helps that I'm small-sized. I didn't have to try to haul my luggage down the bloody stairs. People just offered to help. Thank God. Met this really cute and nice guy called Edward (HAHAHA. Ed, don't get any ideas.) who was going the same way as I was and he offered to stay with me the whole way just to help me carry my extremely heavy bag. Turns out he's an investment broker or a sales trader or something. He gave me his contact. I think I should probably email him to thank him or something, shouldn't I?

Reached Canary Wharf where I met my friends Melissa and Michelle and went to their apartment. It's really nice here. Plus the view is just gorgeous. I really hope I can afford an apartment like this in the future.

Ok. Anyways. We went shopping the next day and met up with my friends' brother for dinner.

If a picture's worth a thousand words, this post's very wordy then!

2006-12-18T23:29:00.000-08:00

Hi all! Back from a brief stint. Sorry for not updating.

Anyways, I'm here cos I can't bloody sleep! My body clock is all messed up! Argh! So I'm gonna take this time to post up the long overdue photos! YAY! (Or not. Whatever.)

First up, Korean Society's Christmas Party at Faces.

Howard, Eline, Janine and Jonny.

Me and Eline (and Yoyo behind), crazy on the dancefloor.

The only 3 Singaporean first-years in Nottingham Business School.

Yoyo, me and Eline.

Me, Janine, Eline and Jonny-boy.

Holly and I.

The girls.

Me, Eline and Jonny.

Kean and I.

Vincent and I.

Next, here are some photos taken on presentation day, where I saved my team mates' asses countless times during our poster presentation due to my impeccable and very fortunate God given talent to spout complete bullshit. Haha!

Lastly, photos of last night! First was dinner at Pham Thai, a Thai restaurant in Lace Market, then the very sad MSS pubbing event at Opium, also in Lace Market, which is actully a very nice place ambience-wise, but drinks are extravagantly expensive. Then Holly managed to get us tickets to the Newark Christmas formal after party (which I didn't go to because my friend wanted to go to Opium which turned out to be such a let down after all.) at Geisha, which is a really nice club (my favourite after Oceana so far!). My night was pretty screwed up. I hate going clubbing with friends who don't. They're such party poopers. Plus, the only friend I had there that enjoyed partying was Eline and she was being harrassed by this fucking jerk. He's such a desperate loser. I wouldn't say that usually, but it's hard not to say that about this guy. He follows her everywhere, he puts her photo up as his desktop picture, screensaver and even printed out a copy of that photo. Total nutjob! Whenever he sees her, he corners her and insists on talking to her and just won't quit, even when she told him to "Fuck off!". Unbelievable. At Geisha, he was chasing her (literally CHASING her) and she managed to slip past a group of people blocking the way. He ran to the other side and jumped across the couch, missed, and landed flat on his face on the other side. I laughed so hard, my sides hurt. OH MY GOD! This guy just can't take a hint! Such an asshole.

Anyways, that guy bloody ruined my night out with Eline, which was supposed to be fun, because we were both really looking forward to clubbing at Geisha, since we'd never been there before. And this fuckwit decides to annoy her and almost reduce her to tears, especially when he cornered her. I think he was abit drunk, because when I went and told him to stop his nonsense, he told me to go away, and when William went and tried, he pushed him aside roughly. What a jerkwad! I got fed up then and pulled Eline to the bathroom.

Sorry, u guys didn't come to my blog to hear this crap. Well, here are the pictures now!

FAM girls in Newark Hall foyer.

Kasedayo (Yoyo), Eline, William and Sophy.

Dinner at Pham Thai.

Me and Sophy.

The boys.

Eline and Yoyo.

Us girls!

My darling Eline and me!

Back at Opium.

Sophy and Woody.

My sweeties!

Me, Woody and William (so handsome right? Haha! He just had his hair cut.).

Our very own commando clerk!

My crazy pup.

Me and the boys.

Me and the patriotic Singaporean NS boys.

Geisha photos. This is where things started going downhill. :(

Me and Bellerbys college buddy Sophy!

Dancefloor in the basement before it got crowded.

This singer was performing in the VIP lounge. (Sorry, it was dark and don't know why all the photos I took of him came out like this. This already is one of the best.) He's really good. Very nice voice.

See how crazy the Brits can get?

Howard!

Bo and Gary.

Me and Howie!

Eline, Gary, William and me.

Victoria, Yoyo and me.

Narcissism in the making.

Yoyo was bored.

With every great love comes a great story

2006-12-09T01:07:00.000-08:00

With every great love comes a great story.

As it turns out, I didn't watch The Notebook last night with Sophy. Just finished watching it all by myself, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because I cried buckets and now my eyes are all red and puffy.

Whew. Not really in the mood to write now. Will write another time. I'm gonna go lounge around in my bed and cry as I think about my sad, non-existent love life.

Finally all over!

2006-12-07T18:42:00.000-08:00

Here I am, all alone in my room, sitting comfortably in my fake Calvin Klein sweats and my MSS Nottingham Games hoodie, eating a terrible, digusting packed dinner or pasta sprinkled with orange cheese.

How wonderful huh?

Well, at least I feel so comfy and warm now, curled up in my chair, watching re-runs of Friends.

Been so busy the whole day. First I had QM tutorial at 10am, followed by my CIB presentation at 11am. It went pretty dreadfully. Sigh. I think we kinda lost the focus along the way. Then we had lunch at the Atrium at 12.20pm and rushed off to prepare for our Entrepreneurship and Business poster presentation in the Senate Chamber of Trent Builiding at 2pm. This one went great! Ooh I just love having those kind of presentations where u have to pitch an idea to someone and just basically give him information and statistics. So fun!

Note to self: Heels look great, but are a bitch to walk around in, especially when it's cold and wet.

My feet hurt so bad now. Damn heels.

Right after the poster presentation, I had to practically run in my heels to the bus stop to catch the hopper bus back to Jubilee Campus for my Financial Accounting lecture at 3pm. Unfortunately, the bus moved so slowly and waited here and there for passengers that it was much too late for me to attend the lecture. But I had a make-up Law tutorial at the Exchange Building at 4pm, so I waited around for that. My day officially ended only around 5.30pm.

Sigh. I'm pooped. But tonight, The Notebook! Yes, the sappy love story written by Nicholas Sparks that was made into one of those tearjerkers, starring Rachel McAdams! I've been dying to see that movie. Sophy's got it, so we're gonna watch it tonight.

Have to start my revision starting the week after next. Exams start on 15th January 2007. Bah.

MSS pubbing event at Opium next Thursday. Dilemma here! Newark's Christmas formal's on the same evening. But formal's are always here, and I've never been to Opium, so Opium it is!

I've got pictures to upload. First will be the Korean Society's Christmas party at Faces, followed by Sophy's birthday celebration on last Tuesday and today's presentation day, with all of us in smart attire. Will upload later. But for now, back to my yucky dinner and Friends!

Unappreciated

2006-12-05T00:55:00.000-08:00

That's how I feel.

As some of u may know, I'm going through a rough patch now. Feeling really down and lousy about everything. I mean, first, I get blown off by a guy I thought liked me for some biatch, and I had to endure them dirty dancing the entire night. Totally sickening.

Then I'm piled on with more fucking work from my asshole project group mates, who, by the way, are absolutely rude. I mean, I'm more than happy to do more than my fair share. I really don't mind helping. But don't say that my work is plain and has no designs. There's only so much u can do with a fucking dying computer. AND BLOODY HELL SAY THANK YOU!

GOD! Singaporeans here are damn... ARGH!!! I mean, can't u even say a simple "Thanks!"? It's not that I want all the bloody credit, but at least freakin' acknowledge my effort! Fucking hell just snatch my work from me and then criticise like hell. Fuckwit.

To make things all worse, it's that bloody time of month! I think I'm suffering from PMS or some other form of depression. Bloody annoying. This is one of the times that I curse God for making me a female. Plus I've missed last month, so the cramps come in full-force this time. (I know, too much information. But fuck it. I'm pissed off. Writing let's me release some steam. Deal with it.)

But no, that's not all! The cherry right at the top is that my mother fucking bought my brother a brand new Apple Macbook!!!

That's right! How completely biased is that?! So fucking unfair!!!

I don't blame my brother entirely. It's not exactly his fault for wanting a Macbook. I mean, who doesn't want it? It's sleek, it's stylish, it's what every teenager wants.

But the thing that makes it really sting is that my mom bought this Macbook for my brother, EVEN THOUGH HE ALREADY HAS A PERFECTLY FUNCTIONING COMPUTER THAT SHE BOUGHT FOR HIM JUST HALF A YEAR BACK!!!

It's not the fact that it's a Macbook. It's not the fact that my brother managed to weasel it out of her.

It's the fact that here I am with a bloody lousy dying computer (that was fucking passed down from my brother) that has already died and had to be revived after the blue screen of death appeared and my brother FUCKING GETS A BRAND NEW COMPUTER, A MACBOOK NO LESS!!!!!

My mom is goddamn biased.

And guess what? I can't even complain about the total unfairness of this situation. Because I know exactly how the argument will end.

Me: How could u buy a brand new Macbook for Kelvin when he has a bloody good one already that u just bought for him 6 months ago?!

My mother: Don't u dare complain, ok! I spend so much on ur studies and ur air tickets for flying back and forth and u still dare to talk back?!

That's not the bloody point.

It's so damn unfair. My brother gets away with things like this always. It's not his fault, because the ultimate decision is my mom's.

But see, he's doing a course he loves, Media and Management or whatever. His diploma will let him be able to go into broadcasting, journalism, management, advertising and so on. Basically he's got a very wide choice.

But me? I'm doing a course I don't even like that much. Finance, Accounting and Management. I can't stand accounting, so I'm not even considering becoming an accountant or auditor in the future. I just can't see myself sitting chained to a desk, working 9 to 5 every goddamn day doing a routine job of crunching figures. I know myself. I get bored easily. I need a job that is exciting and fun. So I wanna do something along the creative line, like advertising or marketing. But with my degree, I'm pretty much stuck. Look at my brother. He can go both ways, whichever he so chooses to do. But me, I'm doing something I'm not even very happy doing just to make someone happy.

My ultimate sacrifice. My own happiness.

My dad says my degree will bring me to good places. I'll be able to find a good job and earn lots of money. But what's the point if I have to work ungodly hours daily? What's the point of having to work 18 hours a day, everyday, and not have the time to spend the gazillion bucks I make?

And there's no absolute guarantee that I'll even be able to find a well-paying job with my degree either. Everything's so uncertain. Here I am in my first year, and I already find myself struggling. And first year's not even counted! I've never done Business Law ever before in my life, and I can't for the life of me understand how that's gonna help me anyway if I wanna go into something like advertising or marketing.

Sigh. This sucks.

I feel so alone here. I have no one close to confide in. Everyone here is so bitchy that I have to be careful what I tell people, cos I never know when they're gonna take that and talk about me behind my back. At least back home I know that I can just reach for the phone and have at least 3 people who I can talk to and release all this.

But for now, all I can do is cry alone in my room.

The worse thing is that I can't cry. So it just sort of builds up inside. And I have completely no interest as to what my friends talk about, so I'm kinda out of the loop. I just sorta go on auto-pilot mode, and go through a routine; lecture, tutorial, eat, lecture again, project work, eat.

This could all just be the hormones talking. For all I know, tomorrow I could be jumping off the walls with glee. Incredibly doubtful that will happen, but I could.

Projects

2006-12-02T23:37:00.000-08:00

Today was spent doing my Entrepreneurship and Business project.

We have to come up with a creative concept that we're supposed to market and advertise. So William agreed, after alot of bullying (Haha!), to be our model for our poster ad.

So. Here are some production clips. Unfortunately there's no sound, because I only just realised that my brother's crappy old camera that he so generously gifted to me doesn't record sound. Wonderful, huh?

Anyways, it was pretty late by the time we finished and it had gotten dark, which made it really difficult to see in the "forest" we were in, resulting in me and Eline walking into a clump of really thorny plants, and we got stung really bad. My ankles have now got 2 throbbing red spots. They sting like hell. I have a sneaking suspicion that those plants were nettles. Bloody nature.

Well, now I've been assigned the task of not only designing the website (my original task), but also the brochure for the CIB project! AND I have to do bloody market research for our concept in the Entrepreneurship & Business project. All this was done by one of my group members, but it was done in such an atrocious manner that we have to do it all over again. Waste of bloody time. I don't understand why people wanna do shoddy work. Isn't it easier to get the job done well the first time, instead of having to come back and rectify it again? Bloody hell don't do if u're not gonna be serious about it and drag everyone else's grade down.

Not only that, I'm have to think up a slogan for our marketing pitch. I tell u, this is where I excel. Not bragging, but seriously, my team mates are absolutely horrendous at this part, only I'm too nice a person to say anything, which ends up in us having to either go along with their lousy one or having to compromise. Usually it's the latter, cos I wanna avoid confrontation or conflict in the group. But I do love advertising, u know, the slogans, the brainstorming for ideas on how to attract our target audience to our product. Hmm, maybe I'll go into advertising in the future. That's an idea.

Chinese Society Christmas party at Geisha on Monday and joint-uni event at Isis on Tuesday. Which one should I go to? Or should I just blow off both? Tough choice.

Ok, back to work now. Oh no. My stomach's growling. Bad, bad, bad.

Solitary once more

2006-12-02T02:51:00.000-08:00

Photos from Yoyo's birthday party last Saturday.

Me, Janine and Eline.

Janine, me and Zhong Yong (aka Ali. Don't ask me why.).

Jade, Eline and Janine.

Yoyo, Eline and Jonny-boy.

Philip and Yoyo.

Me, Janine, some Chinese guy who grew up in Italy (honestly don't know his name.) and Jonny.

Yoyo modelling one of his presents! (The monkey even makes a noise! Damn bloody funny!)

Me and the birthday boy!

Lucky Yoyo's present from his Japanese friends.

We three are abit tipsy, I think.

See? Way up high, floating in the clouds.

Ok, now photos of our absolute madness during our group meeting.

William was forced to put on those fluffy bunny ears that Eline bought by us three girls.

Eline's turn.

Now me.

And finally Sophy, after much persuasion.

Group shot.

Ok, so a brief update on my life.

Thursday was super tiring. I had my CIB lab exam, which went pretty bad. Quite a couple of questions that I either didn't know how to do or didn't do correctly, even though I attempted all. But that's put behind me now. All that's left, the 2 bloody projects.

Yesterday was the Korean Society's Christmas Party at Faces. I'll post pictures up as soon as I consolidate all of them from my friends. The party pretty much sucked. I won't bore u with all the nitty-gritty details, but it involves someone who I thought liked me and thus I started to like that person back, a skanky bitch dancing with this someone, and alot of vodka limes. The latter was because of the first 2. The music was absolute rubbish too. But I didn't wanna let this jerkwad ruin my night out with my girlfriends, so we danced the night away. As a result, our feet now hurt like a bitch. My legs were so sore today when I woke up, surprisingly in time for Business Law lecture.

Back where I started. Solitary once more.

Viral Attack

2006-11-29T02:36:00.000-08:00

I'm so goddamn tired.

CIB lab exam this Thursday and 2 more projects to go next Thursday before I can rest for about a week and then start mugging away for my exams in January. Can't bloody hell wait.

Korean Society's Christmas Party this Thursday at Skin. Oh yes! And there's the Newark Christmas formal on the 13th of December! Yay! It'll be nice to let my hair down. It's been a long time since I've had some real fun.

Some fucker sent a fucking virus which bloody infected my entire fucking wonky computer system. Damn asshole! I wasted my entire time trying to get rid of the thing. Plus, the work that I had done on the website design before I saved it was all lost, cos my fucking computer crashed and shut down on its own. So damn pissed off.

Anyways, I made a new friend at Law tutorial today. The first British girl I actually know. Her name's Abby and she's really nice and incredibly smart and motivated. Unbelievable. Her work is impeccably neat and she's always asking questions in class.

Well, photos from Yoyo's birthday party will soon be uploaded when I can find the time. Oh, and also some photos from when we were kidding around during our CIB meeting. (Which, I just have to rant about this, one of the bloody members didn't turn up for (and I bet she didn't do her share of work too!) our meeting! This girl really is the pits! She's so lazy! She doesn't do her work, she doesn't come for meetings, she even has the cheek to ask to cancel meetings to fit her bloody schedule or cos she didn't do anything. WHAT THE FUCK?! Really hate asshole group members like these. We're so gonna petition or complain about her in the evaluation after everything's done.

Ok, I must go to sleep now. My eyes are gonna fall out.

Yoyo's birthday!

2006-11-26T02:12:00.000-08:00

Just came back from Yoyo's birthday party! Yoyo's Japanese. He's Eline's friend, but he invited us to his party to. Pretty mild compared to the wild parties I had with Yusuke, my other Japanese friend from my old college (Remember him? He's the cute one. Haha!).

My exam timetable's out. Bleagh. Exams for the 2 middle weeks of January. After that, par-tay!

I'm kinda tipsy now, so this'll have to do for today. More tomorrow. Oh! And I promise I'll post photos as soon as I get them from Eline!

Tata for now!

p.s. Ed, I wish I was Lucas Scott, man! He's so gorgeous! Or rather Chad Michael Murray is! But still. Didn't think my thoughts were deep. Haha. Just thought I'd share my feelings with everyone. Haha. I just write what I feel. :)

Reminiscing

2006-11-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired. What a crazy, hectic week it's been.

Finally I can put the Economics coursework behind me. 2 more projects and CIB lab exam before the Christmas holidays start. Can't wait!

Sometimes group work can really be quite a pain in the ass, especially when u have to tolerate people who annoy the hell out of u. Sigh. My group is utterly useless. I see other groups finishing their project reports. Mine? Still stagnant. Sigh. They better not make my mark go down. Heads will roll.

Christmas is just around the corner. Exactly one more month and it'll be Christmas again. Man, time really seems to fly! Last year, around this time, I was running around getting ready to go to London to study.

Sigh. I don't know why, but I'm feeling awfully nostalgic. I suppose we all do whenever these big holidays come round.

I just realised, this will be my first Christmas without my family.

But hey! In a flash, New Year resolutions will have been thought up of and then broken the very next day, then it'll be Valentine's Day, all hearts and pink confetti around, in February, and then very soon Easter bunnies will come a-hopping. And then I'll be home again for a good 3 months!

Unfortunately, I might need to do a summer internship, but I hope I still will have the time and energy to hang out with everyone back home. I miss just sitting in Starbucks, talking about every nonsensical thing my friends and I could possibly think of.

There's this weird feeling in me. I tell myself that I'm interested in this guy, but somehow whenever I daydream about me and my "boyfriend" (*insert name"), this other guy's face pops up in my mind. Someone I thought I was just friends with. Sigh. What does this bloody mean?! Just thinking about this makes my head hurt. Why does this have to be so hard? Why's it seem so easy for some girls? They find a guy, they fall in love, they have a relationship, and they're happy. Well, on the outside at least. U never know how some couples cover up the unhappiness with the smiles and kisses and cuddles.

I think I have a problem with emotions. It's hard for me to show how I truely feel. Like, for example, if a guy were to kiss me, in my head, I would just close my eyes and enjoy the moment. But I can bet u if (and that's a big IF) it happens in real life, I would 1) pull away in surprise/shock or 2) mess it all up. I don't know why, but these things just happen to me. And I can tell u what happens next. If I pull away, the guy will get the notion that I'm not interested and probably (most likely) move on and hook up with some hot chick, leaving me to wallow in self-pity and self-loathing in the corner. 99.99% that's what's gonna happen. And no, the guy probably wouldn't even stop to consider that maybe showing my feelings is difficult for me.

Sigh. I realise I've written an entire paragraph based on pure and utter crap. More for u guys to read then.

I'm back!

2006-11-24T03:51:00.000-08:00

My computer's back! Yay!

At long last! I can enjoy the seemingly never-ending deluge of videos available on the wonderful blessed thing that we call youtube!

Man, I'm totally psyched that my computer's back! Granted, it's running kinda wonky and slow, but hey, can't complain too much! At least I have my own personal computer now.

FINALLY, my economics coursework is done, completed, finito! Yes! Spent such a long time tweaking my essays so they sound better and the presentation of my report looks much more like I spent weeks on it, when I've only spent 3 days of last minute work on it.

Argh! Bloody goddamn pimple on my nose! So annoying! Aren't u supposed to have perfect skin in winter? I mean, there's no heat and sweat that allows bacteria to grow! What the hell! I HATE HAVING ZITS! Bah!

After tomorrow, I'm gonna have a well-deserved break on Saturday. Then back full force on Sunday, what with all the damn case briefs I have to prepare for law tutorial on Tuesday. Come next Friday, CIB lab exam. After that, par-tay! Korean Society's holding their Christmas clubbing event. Yay! It'll be good to get out and about after being cooped in for so many weeks.

It's almost 4am now, and I still have graphs to draw. I'll be back tomorrow! Ciao!

Damn computer

2006-11-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

Sigh. Still no bloody computer.

Turns out the hard disk on my laptop is physically damaged! WHAT THE FUCK! Bloody hell.

It's gonna cost me a hefty £50. Oh my god. Sigh.

I've finally finished my Economics coursework. Yay.

Maybe, just maybe, my dream of my beautiful silver MacBook Pro might just be back! And it just might even come true! Fingers crossed yeah!

Computer-less

2006-11-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

Looks like the dream of a brand new laptop has been pricked with needles by none other than my loving parents. They point blank refused to let me buy a new one. So the repairman's coming tomorrow to fix this near-dead Compaq of mine.

Oh wells. At least I'll have a computer, albeit a lousy, crappy, slow, monstrous one.

There was a fire alarm this morning at the ungodly hour of 4am. FUCKING ASSHOLES who smashed another glass point. It was bloody freezing, and it did not help that it was drizzling.

Well, hopefully I'll be able to use my computer tomorrow. Much as I hate that it's big, heavy and performs like a snail, I do love the fact that my speakers are really quite good and that it's a nice silver colour. Plus, I really can't survive without a computer. Last night, being computer-less, I fell asleep at fucking 10pm! Even with my iPod, it's just not the same.

There u go, my beautiful dream of owning a MacBook. But perhaps! Since I'm definitely getting a new one when I go home next year. I'll push for it.

Party tonight. Go or not? Damn it. Hate having to make sacrifices like these. But coursework due this Friday equals to sitting at home like a good little girl and finishing up yucky Economics essays.

Damn. Means I don't get to see u.

Death of my Computer

2006-11-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

Fucking computer's down!

I have to use the school's sucky desktop computers now. Ugh.

Last night, the bloody thing just hanged and went on to show what my friends called "The Blue Screen of Death".

Bah.

So damn unlucky! All my music and photos and stuff is lost! But on the other hand, that means that I might just be able to get a spanking new laptop. I'm thinking... Apple iMac!

Hah. Like my dad will allow. Who knows? Fingers crossed huh?

Anyway, I'll update more another time. I'm in absolutely no mood to complain about my horrible day. Got loads more work to do. Yuck.

Feeling Emo

2006-11-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish that I was one of those popular girls, who have a ton of girlfriends who come look for them, who always makes time for said girls more than for themselves. Sigh. I feel like I have very few girlfriends, which is very sad. The number of close girlfriends I have who I feel that I can trust enough to confide in, I can count on one hand.

Anyways. Enough of my emo crap. This song is beautiful. I heard it when I was watching The Girl Next Door, starring Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch. It's got great lyrics, especially the first stanza, which holds extra meaning for me. And the piano is by far one of the best instruments to use for romantic love ballads. Anyway, lyrics to This Year's Love by David Gray.

This year's love had better last

Heaven knows it's high time

And I've been waiting on my own too long

But when you hold me like you do

It feels so right

I start to forget

How my heart gets torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again

It cuts like a knife

If you love me got to know for sure

Cos it takes something more this time

Than sweet, sweet lies

Before I open up my arms and fall

Losing all control

Every dream inside my soul

And when you kiss me

On that midnight street

Sweep me off my feet

Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last

So who's to worry

If our hearts get torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Don't you know this life goes on

And won't you kiss me

On that midnight street

Sweep me off my feet

Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last

-David Gray-

Sadly, ain't no love for me this year. Yet. ARGH!

Been busy doing absolute rubbish today. Ugh.

I have to go do my stupid CIB Lab work now. Blah.

Ooh! I'm thinking of running for either Social Sec or Publicity Officer next year. I need more motivation from u guys! Should I?